Who am I?

Bruno: Almost 28 and still don’t know who am I.

Friend: I know who you are.

Bruno: Tell me.

Friend: You’re that guy who posts all the tentacle porn in 4chan.

Bruno: You mean hentai?

Friend: And you’re the one who’s afraid of relationships, afraid of the police, afraid of governments and afraid of showing your feelings.

Bruno: You sure about that?

Friend: Yes, and you’re that guy who goes to Mc Donalds and steals their toilet paper. Always looks for money on the street and have somehow found a way to refill your tiny bottle of shampoo at the supermarket.

Bruno: Sounds like I’m having a rough time.

Friend: Well you haven’t had a stable source of income since 2006 because you have some kind of issue with authority that for some reason doesn’t allow you to follow orders from people or doing stuff you don’t want to do.

Bruno: No source of income means I’m poor?

Friend: Actually you’re rich.

Bruno: How come?

Friend: You’re very rich, but your wealth cannot be found in any bank account. It comes in different ways. It’s inside you. You’re rich because you’re smart, frugality has brought resourcefulness along,  you learned to read people, you have many talents, you can speak many languages, you’re young, you’re free and handsome, and healthy, you have an exciting life ahead of you, and overall you’re rich because you have so many people who care about you, you have family and friends in like what, 30 countries? And they all worry about you. You’re rich and would be foolish to think otherwise.

Bruno: It sounds like I’m very rich indeed.

Friend: We are all rich in many ways. But some of us haven’t yet learned to appreciate what we have, so sometimes we just need someone to remind us who we are, someone to remind us how rich we are.

Bruno: Thank you for reminding me today my friend.

Friend: My job here is done.

 

Whatever 16

Girl: I think we need to talk.

Bruno: Sure what’s up?

Girl: Well, you know, we’ve been dating for a few years already…

Bruno: And?

Girl: And it’s time to take things a step further.

Bruno: What do you mean?

Girl: Well, you know.

Bruno: But, I told you already, I don’t enjoy that as much as you do.

Girl: No, not that, I think we should get married.

Bruno: Really?

Girl: Yes, I think it’s time.

Bruno: You know what? You’re right, our relationship HAS been going great the last few years, it’s time we get the government involved…

Girl: Is that sarcasm?

Bruno: No, I mean it, let’s get the government involved in our relationship, and let’s get some lawyers and judges as well.

Girl: Well, if you put it like this..

Bruno: I mean it, and let’s waste all our savings in a one-day ceremony for all those people we hate, for all those cousins you’ve never met, and all the people from work you so much enjoy spending time with.

Girl: You could have just said no.

Bruno: Why should I say no? It’s a fantastic idea, and let’s get the religions on it as well, let’s bring a child molester catholic priest to lead our ceremony and then he can play with your little sister.

Girl: You’re an ass, did you know that?

Bruno: whatever. 

About the dalai lama

Friend: What do you think about the dalai lama?

Bruno: Very compassionate person, we should all learn from him.

Friend: And what do you think about the fact that he’s the spiritual leader of the buddhist religion.

Bruno: Well, Buddhism is supposed to be the more peaceful religion, so I guess it’s a great thing he’s the leader.

Friend: Actually the reason why it’s said that Buddhism is a peaceful religion is that they compare it with the other mainstream religions. 

Bruno: So by more peaceful they mean less violent?

Friend: Yes, buddhist dead toll comes at around 40.000, mostly thanks to Burma, while other religions “casualties” can be estimated somewhere along  the 800.000.000

Bruno: What’s the point?

Friend: That you are saying he’s a compassionate person, while he actually supports religions. 

Bruno: He wouldn’t hurt a fly, just gives good advice to people, tells them to be kind to each other, and try to understand each other.

Friend: He uses Buddhism to justify poor people’s suffering, saying it’s because of their “karma”, because of their past lives, and tells them their future lives may be different. How can you even consider supporting someone who talks about reincarnation and future lives? That’s like supporting a scammer who feeds on people’s hopes and fears, who misleads them to believe in the supernatural in order to gain control over them and keeping them from revolting against their oppressors, that’s almost as bad as his child rapists friends from the Vatican. He shakes hands with the pope while being aware of his crimes against humanity, he shakes hands with Obama and other politicians that cause wars and kill millions of people, he meets up with the Chinese government despite all they did to his people in Tibet.

Bruno: It’s because he knows! He knows that love and forgiveness are the only way, he forgives and understands the Chinese, the pope, and all the fascist governments and politicians. It’s not nearly as bad the Vatican, he just wants the best for everyone, he meets with politicians and world leaders and tries to talk them into stopping the wars, he talks about world peace, disarmament of governments and embracing the human race as a whole. I concede, he makes some supernatural claims every once in a while, but that’s just because of his upbringing, because he was born in Tibet in the 1930’s, if he had been born in Europe he would be Christian instead, if he had been born in Iran he would be Muslim, it’s just geography, and it’s not like he had any other options like we have now. Of course he believes silly things, he’s just human, like the rest of us, he’s not perfect and doesn’t have all the answer, and he makes mistakes and assumes things that are not true, but his overall mission is the one that counts, he wants to unify the human race as a whole and make this world a better and more peaceful place for everyone.

Friend: So you are saying the end justifies the means.

Bruno: I’m just saying he does the right thing for the wrong reasons.

Friend: Like mother Teresa?

Bruno: Exactly, she believed a bunch of nonsense, but at the end of the day she was doing the right thing, and that’s what counts.

Friend: But you know she only helped all those poor people so they would convert to her faith.

Bruno: Who cares? As long as she helps them.

Friend: As long as she’s doing the right thing, it doesn’t really matter why is she doing it?

Bruno: Exactly, the opposite happens with lets say Mandela or Che Guevara, instead of doing the right thing for the wrong reason, they were doing the wrong things for the right reason.

Friend: Yeah I’ve heard Che Guevara was a racist homophobe, but what’s the wrong thing he did?

Bruno: Well his main objective was good, but in the process, he caused like so much bloodshed.

Friend: And you don’t justify killing for a cause?

Bruno: Of course not, there’s no valid excuse for violence, for hurting someone or taking someone’s life. And “killing for a cause” is still killing, the cause is just an excuse. 

Friend: No eye for an eye?

Bruno: Not in my world.

Friend: But it’s not just your world, we share it and some people still want to kill and punish each other.

Bruno: I know, but they should stop, the idea of punishment is just retarded and only causes more violence.

Friend: So you say, are things really that black and white though?

Bruno: Yes, they are.

Friend: And, are you always right about everything?

Bruno: Of course, if I were wrong I would know it.

Friend: Like Sheldon, haha.

Hacemos una y una?

“Hacemos una y una?” es una de mis frases preferidas en argentina.

Por que? Por que refleja la camaraderia y el espiritu de una cultura Argentina, en la que todos son amigos de todos, y la informalidad del dia a dia se aplica a cada una de tus relaciones.

Nada de forma de hablar de hombres o mujeres,  nada de posiciones socioeconomicas o jerarquias. En argentina hay un solo lenguage: el informal, el de los amigos.

Todos somos amigos, incluso si no nos conocemos, incluso si no sabemos el nombre, incluso si es la primera vez que nos vemos.

El primer contacto es siempre realizado con una sonrisa amigable y un brazo que te invita a entablar conversacion, te invita a hacerte de un nuevo amigo.

En Argentina se comparten las cosas, se comparte la comida, se comparte la ropa, se comparten todo, y siempre hay lugar en el suelo para un amigo que se quede a dormir en tu casa.

Eso es lo que mas me gusta de Argentina, que siempre hay lugar en el piso de todos para dormir, y siempre hay un lugar extra en la mesa para cualquiera que venga a comer.

Y sino tenes trabajo esperame que le digo a todos mis amigos que te ayuden a encontrar trabajo.

Y sino tenes novia te presento a mi amiga, y si tenes que ir a algun lado te presto la vici.

No hiciste la tarea, copiate la mia, no tenes para el colectivo, llevate mi tarjeta.

Y en el gimnasio pasa igual, por que para que esperar que el amigo termine de usar la maquina si podes compartirla y usarla mientras el descansa.

– Hacemos una y una?

– Dale.

Whatever 15

Friend: Want to play a game?

Bruno: Always.

Friend: This game is called “greed”.

Bruno: Is it like monopoly?

Friend: Something like that.

Bruno: How to play?

Friend: First you have to start something.

Bruno: Something like what?

Friend: You know, the usual: work, study, travel.

Bruno: Right, the only 3 things a person can do in this life.

Friend: Exactly, doesn’t really matter though, you could start putting together some jigsaw puzzles for all I care, just start doing something.

Bruno: Then what?

Friend: Then you have to let the greed take over your mind, or your soul if that’s what you believe in. If you have chosen to go for material greed, just keep working and working. If you have chosen to go for intellectual greed just keep studying and studying, go for a degree, then masters, Ph.D., whatever, just make sure you are never happy with what you have, and always try to get more and more. If you chose the travel route, keep going to more and more countries, make it an addiction and never content yourself with the places you’ve already been to, seek new experiences, new adventures and try to always go somewhere new. And needless to say, if you went for the puzzles, just keep buying more and more and collecting them, frame them, never be happy with the ones you already have.

Bruno: Sounds fun! And when do I win?

Friend: That’s the fun part, you will never win, the game keeps going on and on until you die. Because it’s not possible to collect all the things, acquire all the knowledge , visit all the places or finish all the jigsaw puzzles.

Bruno: Can’t catch them all? So why playing in the first place?

Friend: Because it’s the hip game to play and all the cool kids are playing it!

Bruno: Sounds  a bit lame though, sure you wanna play?

Friend: Yeah, It’ll be fun, I’ll go get some puzzles.

Bruno: Whatever then, lets play.

Living in the loopwholes

Friend: I don’t understand why you dislike the Christians so much?

Bruno: Because for me being Christian means taking the side of the oppressor.

Friend: You mean the side of the government?

Bruno: Yes, because the governments usually take side with the Christians/Catholics.

Friend: Yes, during the dark ages, now its different, kind of.

Bruno: How come it’s different?

Friend: Let’s just leave it there, so you just don’t like anyone who takes sides or works for the government?

Bruno: I like some, I like the librarians, the ones who clean the parks, the ones who build the bridges and highway, some teachers, some social workers, few other people.

Friend: So why you always complain about the government?

Bruno: Because they make my life just too difficult with all their rules and regulations.

Friend: So you just don’t like rules? If machines were making the rules instead of governments you’ll probably complain about the machines.

Bruno: Probably.

Friend: What rule do you hate the most?

Bruno: Well, every day is different, today is the one that hinders my stay in Taiwan. Because I want to stay in Taiwan and live here, but the Taiwanese government, same as most governments doesn’t want me to live here. And it’s not like if I were in Singapore and I can just take a bus to Malaysia for 20 dolars and get the new visa, a visa run from Taiwan is serious business.

Friend: So why do you live in Taiwan, go back to Europe, no one will kick you out, no visa, no passports, no borders.

Bruno: But the food in Taiwan is just so good. Best food ever.

Friend: So enjoy the food and try to get around the government somehow, there are always so many loopholes everywhere, you know that very well.

Bruno: Fuck that, I’m tired of always having to hide in the loopholes, I would like to get medical insurance, to rent an apartment, to get a job, to go to school, to get an ID.

Friend: Why would you want that?

Bruno: Just to do something different for a change.

Friend: So you always want what you can’t have, when you had all those papers and stuff in Europe you grew sick and tired of them, remember?

Bruno: You know what, you’re right, I’m better off in the loopholes.

Friend: There you go, see, problem solved.

Bruno: That was fast.

Lindblum

Friend: Lets go to Lindblum next week?

Bruno: Why next week?

Friend: I don’t know.

Bruno: Why not today?

Friend: Because I can’t be that spontaneous.

Bruno: Why not?

Friend: It’s just not me.

Bruno: But how can I plan something for next week, that’s scary.

Friend: So you are afraid of commitment.

Bruno: It’s not that, but I can’t think that far ahead, and if I say yes now, I’ll probably forget or change my mind, or make other plans, or just start worrying, because it’s like a burden having to think now that I have something to do next week.

Friend: But I live a miserable life so I need something to look forward to, and this trip may just be that one thing that will make the rest of this week feel less miserable.

Bruno: I see, like putting a band-aid on a scar that needs stitches.

Friend: Exactly, this trip will be the temporary solution to all my life problems and dilemmas.

Bruno: That’s so very mature of you.

Friend: So, what do you say? Are you coming?

Bruno: I told you I can go today, but if you want me to go next week, you’re gonna have to ask me next week. Preferably on the same day.

Friend: It looks like we’re never gonna do anything together.

Bruno: Well, not with that attitude.