Persona

Besides being the name of best video game franchise ever, the persona, for Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung, was the social face the individual presented to the world—”a kind of mask, designed on the one hand to make a definite impression upon others, and on the other to conceal the true nature of the individual.”

This will be a very a very personal post, in the one I will attempt in the form of a list, to deconstruct my mind and uncover what lies beyond the surface to maybe discover who I really am. With the help of Mr. Carl Jung and information from some INTP forums, I have compiled a list of personal traits, habits and thought processes that I (maybe mistakenly) associate and identify myself with, so that then, maybe, I can understand why I wear those masks and what hides behind them. I need to learn what does it mean to be me, why am I me and what makes me me.

• I can be best friends with someone for over a decade and still not feel any kind of emotional connection because I shun emotions and feelings.
• I know a lot about many things and have a wide range of interests, that makes people connect with me in many ways but I very rarely connect with them because I understand not all people need the same things, some need to connect with others and some don’t. I don’t. Even though others try hard and convince me that I do because we are all the same, I still can’t be convinced and I believe the reason they say that is to avoid having to think about life deeply because that would imply admitting that they will die and cease to exist together with all those emotional connections they made.
• I can’t be bothered to proofread before submitting something because I don’t care about the details as long as I am able to communicate the main point. I also never read the instructions because I think we learn by doing, not by reading how to do.
• I have hundreds of websites bookmarked to read later and I know I will never get down to it because something new is always more interesting and every time I get a new computer I create new bookmarks that are then lost in space whenever I lose access to that computer or phone, and so it has been more than 14 years of it, bookmarking things and then losing access to them.
• Most of the ideas I have, never get to see the light of day because I’m too scared of failure and the projects I do start are either abandoned out of boredom when I manage to solve the tricky part or find something more interesting, or they are self-sabotaged because I am not only afraid of failure, but also of succeeding, like a dog chasing a car, he just wants to chase it but he doesn’t know what would he do if he got to catch it.
• I like something in theory but I’m disappointed by the reality of it. Because everything sounds better in my head. I want to be with you because I like the idea of being with you, but I don’t really want to be with you because that would involve an emotional commitment as well as monetary and time-wise that I can’t afford to undertake.
• I have a list of things I have to do every day and they never get done, and things keep getting added up to it until there’s no more space because the day has very few hours, and I have a list of books to read that will never  be read because they are too long and life is too short.
• I am a theorist and I know I could solve all the problems in the world, but just in theory. Because of my lifestyle, I got the chance of living and traveling in many countries and got to see how different countries solved different social, economic and environmental issues, so it would take me only a few weeks to compile a manual called “How to solve all the problems in the world” and publish it and promote it myself and I have actually already planned the whole book in my head, it will have 100 chapters because 100 is a neat round number, with chapter 1 being called for example ‘transportation’ and documenting which countries have good transportation systems, and how they do it and which ones have a terrible one and why. Chapter 2 could be called ‘housing’, 3 ‘education’, 4 ‘energy’, 5 ‘health’ and so on. But I can’t be bothered doing that because the thought of writing the book, in theory, is more appealing than the practice of writing it, so why should I do it if I can already imagine what it would be like? And also everything sounds better in my head, but when I try to put something into words disaster strikes, and another reason I don’t write it is because I somehow think things are good enough because there are no rivers of blood flowing outside my house then things are not too bad yet. And then there’s the fact that I think faster than I type, so by the time I finish a paragraph I already forgot about what the next one was supposed to be about and there is also the fact that I have a lot of confidence and no confidence at all, all at the same time, so that my confidence and lack of confidence conflict while writing something, just like they do right now.
• Small talk not only bores me but it’s actually insulting. For me it means people don’t value my time, because anyone who knows me, knows I have a full-time job as a teacher, and I’m also writing and editing every day, and I’m still running 100 instagram accounts, and doing SEO and still need to find time to meditate and read and exercise and look after my dog and there’s always a million things on my to-do list so anyone who has the need to make small talk they are actually taking away some of the precious time I have so little of, and forcing me to spend it in something I don’t enjoy and don’t get any benefit from, which is making small talk.

 

And now that the list is finished, here’s a fact: “We tend to exaggerate our good qualities and project who we want to be rather than who we are onto our answers” and now there’s another fact: “I tend to question everything and I don’t even believe a thought I think, because I suspect myself of being secretly biased towards something”. So what should I do with the above information? Take it at face value or keep digging and digging trying to come closer to the truth only to realize later that there’s no truth. I think therefore I am, and I question my thoughts because I think and I don’t trust them, because I know how fragile and malleable human minds are, including mine.

And the next point is that I believe that the reason I question myself is to feel special, to feel different, because I believe most people don’t really stop to question their thoughts or actions, they just wake up and go about their habits every day until they die. So in that sense, if I question it means I’m different, and that would be ok if I were to stop there instead of questioning the reason why I question myself. And if that wasn’t enough, I can’t avoid questioning the reason why I question questioning myself, only to find that it wasn’t so that I could feel special and different but it was so that I could try to find a meaning to it all. To my thoughts, to my life, to the universe, thinking that maybe if I keep digging deeper and deeper I will find the answers I’m looking for. Except that there are no answers, not for me and not for anyone. I have created the questions and then got puzzled because there were no answers to the questions I had invented, which were not real in the first place, because what we call reality is probably an illusion, and if it isn’t then at least my thoughts and ideas are most probably an illusion and in the remote case they aren’t they are still meaningless. The fact that they are real doesn’t guarantee they have any meaning or value, they are just thoughts and ideas, theories and conjectures, that creep in uninvited.

To go a bit deeper, and now assuming that my thoughts are somehow real, I must go on and admit that whatever I think, do and say is a consequence of what we call causality and conditioning. We are all conditioned by our environment, by our thoughts, by our upbringing, by our level of awareness, by our education, by our experiences, by the way in that we see the world, by the way we see ourselves and by some other variables. And once I start to understand how conditioning really works, I can see past this “everything’s either an illusion or meaningless” mentality and I can understand who I really am and why I am trying to understand myself. Only to realize there never was such a thing as ‘myself’ to begin with. And there never was an answer to who I am or why am I the way I am, because there never was an ‘I’ to begin with.

It’s the idea of the non-self. There is nothing inside us besides those things that are a product of causes and conditions. And that’s as far as I’m willing to go, today at least.

 

 

 

 

 

List of countries

Oh, sorry i forgot t tell you, we don’t use fighting anymore

Why not?

I don’t know, people just stop using some words and phrases over time so that new ones can take their place.

Can I still use ftw.

I don’t think so, they wouldn’t know what you mean.

Kind of like quoting Monty Phyton?

Yeah, something like that, wait, how long have you been off the internet?

I don’t know, a few years, I remember when I was using it last time people were making fun of Justin Biever a lot, I didn’t know who he was, but his name kept popping up, so I looked up a song and it was somehow catchy ‘one less lonely girl’ do you know it?

I don’t think I do, and I don’t think they are making fun of him anymore. I think he may be an adult now.

Can I say call me maybe?

I’m not sure.

Oh yeah, I got that list you asked for the other day.

Which one?

List of countries you’ve been to.

Oh yeah.

I realized it wouldn’t be possible to check out the passports because I had to take out too many stamps over the years to make space for new ones, and threw them away. That’s how I managed to run out pages last year for the first time, and also it’d be kind of a show off to list every single country, the exact number it’s something people should keep to themselves, something private, kind of like the number of sexual partners they had.

Well, actually saying you won’t do something because you’d be showing off, sounds like an even worse way of showing off, but anyway you’ve got a point and it’s somehow interesting so keep going.

So I figured the easiest way would it be to list the countries I spent more than 6 months at or in (I’m not sure which one to use, at or in?)

Yeah, that makes sense, no one cares about a place you just spent a few weeks at (or is it in?), many people travel for a few days or weeks.

Exactly, well anyway, I figured I should make one every 10 years, it may probably also help people have some kind of chronological guide into all the previous posts, so here’s the list:

2005-buenos aires
2006-barcelona
2007-berlin
2008-india
2009- thailand-china
2010-china-japan
2011-australia-korea
2012-korea-taiwan
2013-new zealand
2014-china
2015-china-present

Nice, and now what?

Nothing I don’t know, oh wait, yes I know, now, here is the list for the next 10 years, it’s probably not going to go this way at all but if someone were to ask me to make a plan for the next 10 years from now, a plan I should stick up to no matter what, this one would be it.

2015-china
2016- travel in south america
2017-travel in central america
2018-canada
2019-italy
2020-iran
2021 travel in africa
2022-russia
2023-pacific islands
2024-japan
2025-korea

You are 30 now in 2015, so it seems like a good plan to make the list every 10 years that’s every decade of Bruno’s age.

Bruce’s age.

Right, Bruce’s age, so if you go to all those places in the next 10 years what about your dog?

That’s the reason I’m still in China because I love her too much and can’t leave her here by herself, I know if I ever leave China and have to say goodbye to her it will be the hardest thing I’d ever done.

I guess you’ll have to stay in China then.

That’s the only way.

Here’s when you point to the unfairness of Chinese political system and society, how all the countries are terrible because they don’t let you travel with your dog and China also doesn’t let you stay here forever so sooner or later you will have to say goodbye to her, you’re just postponing the inevitable.

My freedoms have been taken away a while ago by governments and their immigration policies, but I’m still better off than most people, I have a job and a salary at the end of the month, I have a nice cozy room with a bed to sleep at night, hot shower, plenty of food, people who understand me and accept me how I am and a dog who loves me unconditionally, what else could I ask for?

You could ask for internet.

I have internet.

Yes, you have a few Chinese websites that you have somehow manage how to operate but how about facebook, google, gmail, youtube, 4chan, cracked, you don’t miss them?

Of course I do, but they also took too much of my time. This holiday I climbed the mountain a few times, I went hiking, I played football with my students, I walked around the lake a few more times, I got to catch up with many people, I wrote here, I got to clean and look after all the turtles, hamsters and rabbits I have, spent time with dog I went out with my CS guests and had many beers with them and I still had some time left to play some games and read. If I had had internet I may not have done many of those things, so if I had to choose between Facebook or checking emails and my dog, I’d choose dog every single time. I know I have given up on all the people I have ever met in my life. Without gmail or facebook there’s no way to get in touch with them, but the dog’s still worth it, I’ll just meet new people in the future.

That’s actually very sweet, a side of you I hadn’t seen before and I didn’t know you had.

I didn’t know I had it either, anyway, looks like that’s it for today.

Yeah, it was fun, let’s do it more often.

Sure thing.

 

 

whatever 18

What do you do for a living?

I’m a french maid.

Really? I don’t believe you, you look like middle eastern or something.

Can be a french maid still.

I don’t think so, do you even French?

No, but I maid.

Do you even gee?

Gee gee gee gee?

I knew someone like that.

A girl I hope.

Yes, a girl, she was lovely and I often wondered, how many people get to feel something like this? I know many people date a lot but they never get to feel this.
Whenever I walk with her, every guy envies me and when I tell them how I feel about her, they envy me even more. I dont need to look at any other girl because I have the best one already.

You’re like… so romantic…

Have you ever felt like that before?

I don’t think so, well maybe I did but she didn’t feel the same way, so I had to just let it go and hope the feeling comes back again someday in the future.

Was she a nurse?

Hey, how did you know?

I think you mentioned her before, when we were talking about the hospital.

Oh, that was a different story.

About the hospital that gave you cancer I remember.

Yes, because there were people smoking everywhere.

You mean at the entrance of the hospital?

Yes and that gave me cancer.

Just that?

Not just that.. hospital food was so bad and didn’t account for any of the daily recommended doses of anything, and instead of having treadmills or exercise machines, they had couches for people to sit, despite the hundreds of papers written and research done on the subject. They all found sitting was the worse you can do to your body, and still, the hospital really wants you to take a seat, and use sitting toilets even though they know it’s very difficult to do No.2 in that position, and…

Ok, ok, I get it, I get it, you’re a system buster, and you don’t like the hospitals and you don’t like anything.

I liked that nurse.

I know that’s not true. you just like yourself.

Whatever.

About putting yourself out there

Why don’t you like Japan anymore?

Because people I’ve met there have no empathy and are oblivious to everything around them, makes me think it’s exactly the opposite I’m looking for.

Is that the reason you don’t watch anime anymore?

Oh, about that, I also don’t watch movies or anything else anymore either. Don’t feel the need to be entertained anymore and value my real life too much to waste it sitting in front a computer screen the whole day. So no more video games either.

Makes perfect sense, and it’s quite surprising actually, as most people I know still feel the need to be “entertained” by games, movies, tv shows, etc

I used to play Monster Hunter a lot, loved the part of gathering ingredients and materials, digging, climbing drilling and just seeing what you find, heading out
there and hoping for the best, plating the seeds and growing lots of food for your cats to make meals for you, yeah you make get eaten up by a dinosaur sometimes but it was totally worth it! so now I would rather go gathering to the forest or to the beach nearby where I am, scavenging and getting lost.
Monster Hunter is based on a prehistoric world but the countries I live in, New Zealand, south-east Asia are actually not so different from those prehistoric worlds.

Used to play lots of final fantasy when I was in Argentina, dreaming of this mysterious new places, being an adventurer, doing every day something new and meeting
new characters every day, that was the life I was dreaming of, and now is the life I have, what else could be better?

When I was at Simon’s place last week they always asked me what was I looking forward to, and I always said nothing, this is it, this is as good as it gets for me.
And developing relationships with those people you meet like in the game Persona, and letting them join you on your travels like in Suikoden, and getting scared while exploring your city at night like in silent hill and going dancing on the streets like in Audition, Bust A Move, Miku Hatsune. In Taipei is very easy to join the street dancers near SYS Memorial Hall, and in Osaka, they get together in Namba.

Possibilities are endless once you get off the couch and leave your place, I realized getting out there has countless benefits.
Once you are out of your house you get adventures x10, out of your city is another x10 and out of your country is another x10, that’s x1000 more adventure chances
just for leaving your confort zone, just for being out there, now if you’re actually looking for adventures you get even more bonuses, you get a x20 if you start talking to strangers everywhere, a +5 if you’re wearing something cool, a x10 if you sign up for random jobs or courses, another +7 if you carry an animal companion with you, another +30 if you learn to use Couchsurfing, meetup and other websites for getting together with people.

There’s no limit to it, really.

About Ariel

 

Probably no other moment had a greater impact on my life as those 10 seconds when I was walking around the pedestrian street in Rosario, Argentina and saw a familiar face walking towards me.

It was Ariel Gutierrez, he was listening to some song with his headphones but he wasn’t just singing along, he was shouting the song, so loud everyone was staring and creating an opening for him to walk through as they thought he was just some crazy person screaming on the street.

But I knew him, I knew he wasn’t crazy; he was just special, like me.

And he didn’t care that everyone was looking at him or that they thought him crazy. He kept walking and singing and smiling and doing a little dance.

And I thought that’s the person I want to be, I used to admire him.

I thought I want to be happy and sing without caring what others would think.

I want them to know I’m special too and they should open the way for me because I’m also coming through and don’t care if they think me crazy.

I’m coming through anyway.

Note: Ariel Gutierrez was my best friend for a while, someone I would tell everything and trust with my life, then we fought because of some silliness and never saw each other again. He was probably also the reason I stopped eating meat. And I used to have a crush on his sister, who also had a crush on me, but nothing ever happened because I was 17 and scared of talking to girls, and she was also afraid of talking to guys, so we never talked, just blushed and giggled nervously.

About the pimsleur language program

What is pimsleur?

Is the reason why I can speak many languages.

But what is it?

An audio language learning program.

Is it free?

Of course.

How to get it?

First download torrent, go to the pirate bay and type pimsleur + the language you want to learn on the search bar, so if you want to learn Turkish, you want to type: pimsleur turkish, order the results by the number of seeders and open the ones who have more seeders with utorrent.

Is there pimsleur for every language?

Couple dozen

How many languages have you used it for?

So far portuguese, italian, french, german, japanese, korean and chinese.

How many lessons for each language?

There are 90 lessons for each language that would cover all the basics of grammar, sentence structure, vocabulary, some culture notes and if you finish the 90 lessons you can get by on the language you are learning, then you just need to practice and use the vocab you learned.

How good is it compared to other language learning programs?

Pimsleur is a very systematic, very structured method, it gives you tons of very basic vocab and forces you to speak out and make sentences. There’s no slang at all so it’s like learning from a textbook, you will learn to use a very neutral version of the language with a very neutral accent.
After you finish pimsleur I’d strongly recommend you to complement it with the 101series, chinese101, korean101, spanish101, and so on. They are great for learning slang and really useful vocabulary and expression that you wouldn’t find on a textbook, the 101 series are usually ongoing so it never finishes, as there is always new stuff to learn.

And once you’re proficient in the language you are studying I’d recommend you the “in flight” series paired up with some word list, for vocabulary building. to download the 101, in flight, and word list is the same as for pimsleur: torrent, pirate bay, order by seeders, open with torrent.

Are you still using pimsleur these days?

No, because there was a problem with my last mp3 player.

What happened?

Well, it’s a long story actually, I’ve had 4 mp3 players in my life, first it was a red one I got in spain, that one just stopped working by itself, then there was a pink one I got in spain also in 2006, that one worked until 2009 and then also decided to stop working. Then, in china at school, our boss gave us a white one that was also mp4 player, problem was the storage was quite low so couldn’t put much inside, that one got a virus and then the screen cracked while it was in the bag. and the last one that I had been using since 2009 till now was also the best one. It was blue and had a lot of space, like 6gb and it was very light and stylishly small, it was perfect, and I loved it because it had been a gift from Kishi, so I had kept it in my pocket and used it regularly for almost 4 years.
but while in NZ few weeks ago I was reviewing some korean lessons while on the way back through the park and I stumbled upon a fountain.
I always check the fountains at the park because many times they have coins that have either grown by themselves from the bottom of the fountain or have been dropped by some birds who were transporting them somewhere.
So I forgot I had the mp3 player on my jacket pocket instead of the trouser’s pocket, as the one in the jacket is on the sides, so you can put your hands in while you walk, and that makes things fall also. The one in the trousers won’t let anything fall from it. So, what I did, I leaned in to grab the coins and forgot about the mp3 player, so it slipped off my jacket pocket and fell into the water, ruining my week, lost one of my precious possessions just for a few coins.
So stupid.

Who is Kishi?

Oh, very very cute chinese girl and very very sweet. We used to live together in China. she really loved me and treated my like a king.

What happened to her?

Nothing happened to her, she’s still in china.

Do you miss her?

Maybe a bit sometimes, I have ambivalent feelings about it actually. On one hand I know she was just perfect for me, On the other hand, she didn’t really like my lifestyle of traveling and moving around, she wanted to stay in China for some reason. And I couldn’t stay in china any longer, because well, I don’t know how to say this nicely, but It’s a shithole there.
I really loved her and if it had been any other country I’d had probably stayed with her, but not China.

But if you had really loved her you would have stayed with her anywhere, even China.

Have you even been to China?

No, just saying.

I thought we were talking about the pimsleur program.

This is more interesting.

I do think sometimes that I should have stayed there with her, but China… ufff.. it’s the worst country ever. I had eventually got used to the air pollution, and the spitting, and the noise, and the people.
But the smoking is just too much, in the elevator, in the cinema, on the bus, at school, hospital, office, everywhere on the streets and places to eat, every single place, it’s just too much.
I understand they are Chinese and everything, but it’s just too much.

Did you ask her to move to another country with you?

I begged her to, I wanted to take her anywhere, anywhere but china. And she said no, because she likes China and it’s her home.

That’s understandable, most people can’t even consider your lifestyle, they can’t just detach from everything and move somewhere else just because.

It’s not just because it was to be with me.

I know, but why she has to be the one to make the sacrifice of moving abroad and you can’t make the sacrifice of staying there.

That’s why I said, if it had been any other country I would have probably stayed, just not China, and probably not India either.

Have you been to all the countries in the world?

Of course not.

So you will find that there are many places even worse than China and India, in Africa for example. You should open your mind and be more open to different cultures, you should stay in China and make a life there with cute Kishi.

I know you say that because you have never been to China.

But it’s a big country and everywhere is different.

Slightly different, very slightly.

It’s not the same being in Hainan than in Tianjin, they have desserts, mountains, valleys, they have everything there.

It’s still China though.

I know but you said she got you an mp3 player and treated you like a king.

Still China.

China China China, yes, but the girl is more important.

And actually, if I hadn’t left I wouldn’t be writing this right now because the succession of events that lead to me getting a laptop and starting a blog happened BECAUSE I left china.

You don’t know maybe it would have happened anyway.

Maybe not, and you wouldn’t exist, so, me leaving China is actually the reason you exist, so you should be happy I left, and you should be proud of me for keeping moving forward instead of getting stuck in a place I hate.

I just want you to be happy and thought if the girl can make you happy the place shouldn’t mind so much.

Yes… but China… 😦

I know, I know, don’t worry, you don’t need to go back there ever again, ok?

Do you promise? 🙂

I promise.

And what about Kishi?

Well you know Kishi means river bank in Japanese, and in the river, there are many fishes, you will meet a fish that doesn’t need to be in china.

Well, either that or I just get myself a new mp3 player

Now we’re talking!

 

Whatever 16

Girl: I think we need to talk.

Bruno: Sure what’s up?

Girl: Well, you know, we’ve been dating for a few years already…

Bruno: And?

Girl: And it’s time to take things a step further.

Bruno: What do you mean?

Girl: Well, you know.

Bruno: But, I told you already, I don’t enjoy that as much as you do.

Girl: No, not that, I think we should get married.

Bruno: Really?

Girl: Yes, I think it’s time.

Bruno: You know what? You’re right, our relationship HAS been going great the last few years, it’s time we get the government involved…

Girl: Is that sarcasm?

Bruno: No, I mean it, let’s get the government involved in our relationship, and let’s get some lawyers and judges as well.

Girl: Well, if you put it like this..

Bruno: I mean it, and let’s waste all our savings in a one-day ceremony for all those people we hate, for all those cousins you’ve never met, and all the people from work you so much enjoy spending time with.

Girl: You could have just said no.

Bruno: Why should I say no? It’s a fantastic idea, and let’s get the religions on it as well, let’s bring a child molester catholic priest to lead our ceremony and then he can play with your little sister.

Girl: You’re an ass, did you know that?

Bruno: whatever. 

Hacemos una y una?

“Hacemos una y una?” es una de mis frases preferidas en argentina.

Por que? Por que refleja la camaraderia y el espiritu de una cultura Argentina, en la que todos son amigos de todos, y la informalidad del dia a dia se aplica a cada una de tus relaciones.

Nada de forma de hablar de hombres o mujeres,  nada de posiciones socioeconomicas o jerarquias. En argentina hay un solo lenguage: el informal, el de los amigos.

Todos somos amigos, incluso si no nos conocemos, incluso si no sabemos el nombre, incluso si es la primera vez que nos vemos.

El primer contacto es siempre realizado con una sonrisa amigable y un brazo que te invita a entablar conversacion, te invita a hacerte de un nuevo amigo.

En Argentina se comparten las cosas, se comparte la comida, se comparte la ropa, se comparten todo, y siempre hay lugar en el suelo para un amigo que se quede a dormir en tu casa.

Eso es lo que mas me gusta de Argentina, que siempre hay lugar en el piso de todos para dormir, y siempre hay un lugar extra en la mesa para cualquiera que venga a comer.

Y sino tenes trabajo esperame que le digo a todos mis amigos que te ayuden a encontrar trabajo.

Y sino tenes novia te presento a mi amiga, y si tenes que ir a algun lado te presto la vici.

No hiciste la tarea, copiate la mia, no tenes para el colectivo, llevate mi tarjeta.

Y en el gimnasio pasa igual, por que para que esperar que el amigo termine de usar la maquina si podes compartirla y usarla mientras el descansa.

– Hacemos una y una?

– Dale.

I’ll take the green salad

Remember that episode of Friends when Rachel, Phoebe and Joey, tried to explain to Ross, Monica and Chandler that they didn’t have as much money as them, and they get dragged to this fancy restaurant and they can only order a salad and a glass of water. Because they always have to go “somewhere nice”.


That’s how I feel!


Not everywhere, of course, this usually happens to me in Singapore, Japan, Australia and Korea, because there pretty much everyone’s rich, everyone has jobs and most people are not aware that in other countries people don’t, and if they do they don’t earn nearly as much as what they make here.


As for other places I’ve lived before, it didn’t really happen much if at all, because if I meet some new person in Berlin, Barcelona or most places in Europe, chances are, he or she is probably unemployed too or earns very little money as well.


If I meet someone in China, Malaysia, India or most other Asian countries, no matter where we go, it can’t  cost more than 5 dolars a meal, so there’s no need to worry when people say “let’s go somewhere nice!”

Cool

What I enjoy the most is making plans and then ditching them, making new ones and ditching them again. It makes me feel flexible, independent, makes me feel cool

I never really liked the word “cool” though, and never really used it, because I hate it when people say they want to hang out with someone who’s cool.

As there’s no such a definition of cool, I found that the only people who define themselves as cool are the douchebags, and they make sure everyone knows they are “cool” and that they hang out only with other “cool people” (other douchebags).

When I was a primary school, my friends and I discovered the word cool, and we were overusing it, because it was one of the few English words we knew, and we thought it made us sound cool.

And in my twenties, I realized that the people who said they were cool, were actually not cool at all.


Because if you’re cool, you don’t need to tell people you’re cool.

 

About argentinians and italians

“Argentinians are like Italians with an edge,” someone said that to me the other day, and I was like “oh, stop it, you!”

I liked that comparison, for the same way that I like Italians, because people from Latin America when they are among each other, I can sense some kind of rivalry among them, like Peruvians with Ecuatorians, Argentinians with chilenians or brazilians, I dont know if it’s because of the football, the wars, the borders or why, but there’s always a spark of tension in the air, but with Italians is the opposite.

They are like our brothers from another mother, like they are our brothers, but they are not really our brothers, so there’s no need to compete.

When i was in Argentina I didn’t feel close to Italians at all, it started when I left and started meeting Italians everywhere and discovering how many things we actually had in common that I had never known about. It’s the language, the culture, the way of saying things, the humor, the way of not really caring much, well, caring, but no, not really caring.

If I think of my friends from Argentina, at least 80% of them have an Italian last name and their origins can be traced back to Italy at some point, but they never bothered to get to know their Italian roots, most of them didn’t even bother to learn their language, and the ones I know they learned, are not so confident to speak it with Italians.

Which is the same reason my Italian friends don’t usually hang around with Argentinians, even though they are aware of the similarities, most times they are just not so confident about their Spanish.

But if you’re Argentinian and you start talking to, let’s say someone from Mexico or chile, and someone from Italy, I’m sure you’ll find you have more in common with the Italian.

At the same time, the Italians usually respect Argentinians because they come from a 3rd world country, and that sounds somehow hardcore to them. So that’s what I meant when I said Italians with an edge, so the Italians are quite happy to associate themselves with Argentinians, because they feel like they are more dangerous if they hang aroundthem.

The Argentinians, on the other, hand are quite happy to be associated with Italians, because they respect them, i think it’s because they are europeans minus all the atrocities that the spaniards did in south america.

So they are like the good guys.

Believe it or not, many people in south america still hold a grudge for something that happened more than 500 ago, and little do they know the religion many of them still worship to this day was the one behind funding those atrocities.

And little do they know that the people living in Spain now are not the same people who did that 500 years ago

They are different, somehow.

Whatever 12

Girl: How many girlfriends have you had?

Bruno: That’s a tough question, define girlfriend.

Girl: Some girl you went out with.

Bruno: That’s it?

Girl: Yeah.

Bruno: So if I went out with you on a date would that make you my ex-girlfriend now?

Girl: No, it’s gotta be more than one date.

Bruno: Alright 3 dates.

Girl: At least 5.

Bruno: Alright, so you and I went out on 5 dates, there was no physical contact and I never told you my feelings, would that make you my ex-girlfriend anyway?

Girl: Alright 5 dates and physical contact, that counts as a girlfriend.

Bruno: So if I had a girlfriend in primary school, we went out more than 5 times, we talked about our feelings, we held hands sometimes, that counts as physical contact, should I count her as an ex-girlfriend? 

Girl: No, it has to be more than holding hands.

Bruno: So you mean sexual contact, not physical contact.

Girl: Well at least making out.

Bruno: Alright, so let’s say I went out with this girl, on 6 dates, we had sex once and after that, for whatever reason she decided she wasn’t gonna take my calls anymore, would that count as a girlfriend? 

Girl: No, I don’t think so. Ok, lets try this, 5 dates or more, sexual contact, and emotional connection.

Bruno: Emotional connection from one or both sides.

Girl: Both of course. And you have talked about it and agreed you were boyfriend and girlfriend..

Bruno: Alright, picture this, it’s me and her, we love each other very much, we’ve been seeing each other for over a 2 years now, we live together, we’ve traveled together, I’ve met her parents, she met mines, but we never really felt that need to imply property on each other by giving each other possessive titles such as boyfriend or girlfriend, we love each other hence we don’t need any titles, being together is enough, because we are happy together. 

Girl: Well you’re a very special person, but most people need that security, lets say reassurance, of knowing you are seeing each other exclusively.

Bruno: No, don’t get me wrong, we knew it, there was just no need to say it. Now would you say that counts as a girlfriend or not?

Girl: Yes, I’d say so.

Bruno: Now picture this, I’ve met this girl yesterday, she says she loves me and wants to be my girlfriend, so as of yesterday she’s my girlfriend.

Girl: That wasn’t 5 dates.

Bruno: But are together, and we are calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend, how can that not count as a girlfriend if she says she is my girlfriend. 

Girl: I know, but it’s just too fast.

Bruno: So, it seems there’s no real set of parameters you can use to define what an ex-girlfriend really is, am I right?

Girl: You always have to have the last word don’t you?

Bruno: Just saying.

Girl: Did you really meet a girl yesterday?

Bruno: Maybe

Girl: What do you mean maybe?

Bruno: You see how you are? You see how girls are? They are totally uninterested in a guy, and right the moment he says he’s seeing someone else suddenly he becomes an object of their desire.They only want him because they can’t have him anymore, when they could have had him they didn’t want him, now that makes sense to you?

Girl: It’s attraction, it works in mysterious ways, it doesn’t need to make sense.

Bruno: Now for most guys the exact opposite happens, we are talking to a girl and exactly 0.3 seconds after she says she has a boyfriend we lose interest completely.

Girl: Really, so would you stop meeting a girl just because she has a boyfriend?

Bruno: Of course.

Girl: Why?

Bruno: Because it’s awkward, and also because of the bro code, but mostly because it’s awkward.

Girl: What’s the bro code?

Bruno: Is what makes that girls boyfriend a bro.

Girl: So you don’t see him as a rival or someone you have to compete with the get the girl.

Bruno: Of course not, he’s a bro.

Girl: Even though you don’t know him.

Bruno: Exactly. You see only a guy can understand what other guy has to go through in order to get a girl, so why would we want to cause that guy any pain or trouble.
Of course, there are a few exceptions, the pickup artists, the douchebags, they are not bros but most guys out there are. So when she says “I have a boyfriend” she’s making clear that she’s my bro’s girlfriend, we don’t mess around with other bro’s girlfriend, that’s just wrong.

Girl: I had no idea it was like that.

Bruno: Actually you know it’s like that, all girls do, and that’s one of the ways they have to let the guy know they are not interested.

Girl: Yeah, maybe we know, but it’s not just for that, it’s also to make things clear. It’s better than not mentioning you are seeing someone, most guys don’t even mention it.

Bruno: Yes we do, just not as early in the conversation as most girls do so.

Girl: And why is that?

Bruno: Because we know that would make us extremely attractive to your people.

Girl: No, it’s because you feel guilty talking to a girl you shouldn’t be talking to.

Bruno: Why guilty? We are just talking?

Girl: Yeah, we are also just talking, and by mentioning we have a boyfriend we want you to make sure we are REALLY just talking.

Bruno: Ok, I did meet a girl yesterday.

Girl: Really, what’s her name?

Bruno: Asuka, Asuka Kimura.

Girl: You’re such a bad liar.

Bruno: Ok, I didn’t meet anyone.

Girl: You’re such a loser.

Bruno: You see how you are, you just proved my point again.

Girl: Whatever you say.

Bruno: You’re so predictable.

Girl: Right, Asuka Kimura.

Bruno: You’re still thinking about that.

Girl: To tell the truth, I thought you would say Misato.

Bruno: Why Misato?

Girl: Sounds like the name of a girl you may like.

Bruno: It does actually.

Girl: Misato Imakura.

Bruno: I can picture her already.

Girl: How does she look like?

Bruno: Sweet.

Girl: How old is she, 15?

Bruno: Let’s say 27, same as me, to make it politically correct.

Girl: But then she wouldn’t be attracted to you because most girls like older guys.

Bruno: Good point. So let’s say she’s 24?

Girl: Still, too old, the attraction triggers in a girl when the guy is at least 4 years older than her, trust me, I’m a girl.

Bruno: 23 then?

Girl: That could work.

Bruno: Yeah… that could work..

Girl: …

Bruno: that could work…



Bruno: that could…

Girl: Oh, come on!

Bruno: What???

 

About relationships

Unless you belong to some crazy religion that forbids you to do so, you’ve probably had to go through many unsuccessful relationships, until you found the right one, that of course, just imagining you had found the right one.

Most people either never find it or they just let it slip away.

But what some of us did find instead, it’s a pattern, a pattern that prevents us from having successful relationships.

I’m not just talking about romantic relationships here, but about relationships in general.

The pattern goes something like this:

Step 1: Meet new person.

Step 2: Idealize them in your mind.

Step 3: Discover they were not how you thought they were.
Step 4: Get disappointed.

Step 5: go back to step 1.

And that’s just wrong, usually in most cases, what prevents us from building up meaningful relationships are the fake expectations we always hope the other person to fulfill.

The key to breaking this loop is, as usual, understanding, and here goes the pattern we should be aiming to instead:

1) Meet a new person.

2) Try to understand them and accept them as they are.

3) Be happy forever after.

Someone that I’ve never known

The other day, I was talking to a friend while we were waiting to shoot some scenes and the subject of western-Asian relationships popped up.


She’s originally from north america, but has been living in Korea for a number of years now, and had the chance to date a bunch of korean guys, so we started talking about the differences between dating koreans vs dating western guys. 


For me as a guy, always find it amusing to hear the female point of view of the asian dating scene. because you see white guys with asian girls all the time everywhere, but white girl with asian guys, that’s still a pretty rare sight.


After talking about it for a while, she told me how she hated the way korean guys “broke up” with her and the lack of straightforwardness in pretty much all of her relationships.


You know how in the west usually, after someone says “we need to talk” you sit and talk about it, then someone says “it’s not you, it’s me” or “this isn’t working”, then you blame each other, scream, cry, slam the door or whatever and never see each other again.


Well, in korea, you just skip the whole process straight to the never see each other again part. The guys will just stop calling her and wont pick up her calls from one day to the other for no apparent reason.


But in the west we usually need that close up, in order to move on with our life, instead she would be wondering for a few weeks, what’s really going on, are we over, are we still together, did I do something wrong, did he do something wrong.


I had noticed that before, and had some relationships in korea and japan, that after a few years I’m actually still wondering, what the hell happened there? One day we were like big time in love and the next one she wouldn’t take my calls anymore and had vanished from my life completely. 


Instead of somebody that I used to know, she would become somebody I have never known. 




In Japan for example, divorce usually works something like this:




1- Husband comes home and finds that his partner’s belongings have disappeared.


2- He finds the divorce papers on the table or are delivered by someone the same day. 


3- He signs the papers or gives them to his lawyer.


4- He forever wonders what the hell happened.




How’s that for some loose ends? 😉




And as for my experience, it’s not just like that for dating, but for friendships and work relationships as well. One day best friends, next day total strangers, one day best employee, next day fired for no reason.





We know of course, that this comes from a need to avoid awkward situations, which is totally understandable, but as westerners who of course, still highly value honesty and straightforwardness in our daily relationships, it comes as a bit of a pain, to never really know what’s going on with the other person. 


Because they will treat you exactly the same way either they love you or they hate you.


On the positive side though, that’s why people usually decide to move to a different country, to experience all those little differences and nuisances in everyday life.


And hopefully, hopefully, learn something from them as well.

About Jurgen

This is from Jurgen’s CS profile:

“At every moment, at every fork of the road there’s always something you should do, and something you want to do…..

…go for the second option! Always go for the second option!”

 

 

I met Jurgen back in 2007, and it inspired me a little bit. Of course, I’d met many people saying the same things before him, but he was the only one who lived like he wanted to and did what he wanted to when the rest of us didn’t dare to.

 

Before meeting him and traveling with him, I didn’t know living like that could be possible. He was completely free, kind of, well.. no, not really, not completely free, he just happened to had more freedom than everyone else around him.

 

I don’t mean financial freedom, or the “not having to work” kind of freedom, he had freedom of mind, he was able to control his thoughts better than the rest of us and tried to think only happy thoughts always and alter his reality to see the positive side in most things without feeling sad or depressed.

 

I know many will argue that there can’t be happiness without sadness and sadness gives meaning to happiness so we can experience happiness only if we had been sad before. It’s a valid argument of course, but I’m not gonna get into that now.

 

Jurgen never meant to teach me anything, but just by hanging out with him I learned that:

 

 

– It’s ok to not know everything.

 

– It’s ok to not have a plan.

 

– It’s ok to be late.

 

– I shouldn’t worry about anything.

 

– It’s ok not having a cell phone and not knowing what time/date is it.

 

– If I don’t do stuff, someone else will do them, maybe.

 

– If I don’t do something today it doesn’t mean I have to do it tomorrow, it can stay undone.

 

– It’s ok to just drop by for no reason.

 

– It’s ok not having a place to sleep tonight.

 

– It’s ok to just play games all day.

 

– It’s ok to live without money.

 

– It’s ok to wear the same clothes every day.

 

– It’s ok to smile to strangers.

 

– I should give my money and food to the homeless.

 

– It’s ok to be by myself.

 

– It’s ok to live in a small house with many people and sleep all next to each other on the living room’s floor.

 

– It doesn’t matter if I’m not good at anything.

 

– It’s ok not to shower.

 

– It’s ok to dance very badly.

 

– It’s ok to eat things I find on the street, it’s ok to take food from the dumpster and we don’t need to wash the fruits before eating them.

 

– It’s ok to leave and never come back.

 

– You can’t please everyone always.

 

– It’s ok to do whatever you want.

 

 

Also, he would always contradict me, so I get to challenge myself and open my mind.

 

 

If I say I don’t want to work, he would tell me about how fun work can be, and then start painting the walls or something.

 

If I say I don’t want to go out he would remind me of all the nice people that want to see me today.

 

If I don’t want to meet new people he would remind me that there are still many people out there that haven’t met me yet and are waiting for a chance to get to know me.

 

If I say I feel lonely he would tell me to deal with it by myself.

 

If I say I don’t want to get up, he would open the windows and play music so I get up.

 

If I ask him why is he learning German, he would say that is a nice language.

 

If I ask him why the cars don’t stop for us he would say it’s because I’m ugly and don’t smile to them.

 

If I ask him why did he stop walking he would say it’s time for a picnic.

 

If I tell him he looks ridiculous carrying that big backpack he would say he doesn’t care.

 

If I ask him how can he eat at Mc Donalds he would say it tastes good.

 

If I say I don’t know what to do with my life he would tell me I don’t need to do anything.

 

 

About food

 

Girl: So.. what’s your favorite food?

 

Bruno: I like cheap food.

 

Girl: Haha, why is that?

 

Bruno: Because it tastes like freedom.

 

Girl: What do you mean?

 

Bruno: It tastes good, it tastes like freedom.

 

Girl: And how does freedom tastes like?

 

Bruno: I’ll explain, if food is cheap that means I can buy or get more of it, we transform the food into energy, so cheap food means I get more energy, which means I get to stay alive a bit longer and can maybe use that energy to do something I like. If the food is pricey I will get less of it, less energy means less time to live.

 

Girl: Like that movie “In time”.

 

Bruno: Exactly, except that instead of buying time we need to buy food. Therefore, free food = free energy = free time.

 

Girl: Makes sense, but cheap food doesn’t taste as good as the pricey one.

 

Bruno: Why not?

 

Girl: Because it’s cheap.

 

Bruno: How can the price influence the taste?

 

Girl: I don’t know maybe they use more ingredients or something.

 

Bruno: Maybe it’s the same food, and the only difference is the price.

 

Girl: So why does it taste better for me?

 

Bruno: For the same reason the cheap food tastes better for me.

 

Girl: Because of what it represents for us.

 

Bruno: Exactly.

 

Girl: So for you, cheap food represents freedom, for me expensive food represents that I am now somehow financially successful in life and can afford things I couldn’t before.

 

Bruno: Exactly, so actually, for you, it represents freedom as well, because now you are free to choose whatever you want to eat, without having to worry about the price.

 

Girl: Funny.

 

Bruno: So actually, you and I are more similar then we think.

 

Girl: We have to learn to appreciate those similarities and learn from our differences.

 

Bruno: Well said, I’ll think of that from now on.

 

Girl: Me too.

 

Bruno: I’m still in the friendzone, right?

 

Girl: Yep.

 

Make Love to the Backpacker

NOOOOOOOOO!!! 

That’s what I always hear in my mind when someone asks me “are you traveling?” or they say “oh, you don’t work, so you are traveling here”.

I started disliking the word traveling because I feel that if I travel I can’t live. Don’t want to be a traveler, I want to live here…    
 

So I spend too much time trying not to look like this:

 

 

And avoiding words like exploring, traveling, backpacking, vagabond, around the world, world trip.

 

Because I can’t live up to that, it’s too much pressure, too much responsibility, I don’t want to be a world traveler, I just want to be myself, I want to be modest, I want to be at the same level as everyone else and overall don’t want anyone to look up to me.

 

I don’t want to carry a big backpack with me, it looks ridiculous, I feel silly, feel stupid, feel vulnerable, my back hurts, everyone would look at me. 

I want to blend in with the locals just want to be one of them.

 

I don’t want them to see me as this person who comes from a distant land, this person who has lots of money to come here and brings all his expensive gear and gadgets in his massive backpack.

 

And how come I need so many things anyway? What should I do with them? And why should I carry them around? It doesn’t make sense. 

 

I always try too hard not to be like someone else that I forget to be myself.

 

I always tell myself, backpacks are stupid, just a trend, you don’t need one, you should be different, you can improvise and use things you find around, you don’t need to carry many things with you. 

You should be like MC Gyver or Bear Grills, I tell myself, you should eat insects and survive in the wild without a backpack because you’ve been spoiled for too long, because you are better than them, you gotta prove them, gotta prove yourself that you don’t need anything or anyone. gotta challenge yourself, gotta do something that hasn’t been done before, gotta be hardcore.

 

I wish I could be myself without criticizing others though, and without caring about them carrying a big bag or doing silly things.

 

I should be myself despite the world, despite what others may think or what I would think of them.

 

I should be myself despite what I think of myself. Ok, that doesn’t make any sense, but maybe I should get a huge backpack and carry it around so I learn to be more tolerant of the people around me and can understand them more, so I stop being such a prick and believing I’m better than them for not having a big bag and not needing as many things as they.

 

 

From now on I will embrace 

the backpacker and his friends

I’ll come running from afar  

just to give them cereal bar.

I’ll help them with their bags

give them water and supplies 

cook for them when they feel sad

or at least will get take out.

I will make sure they are feeling fine

with no worries on their minds

and make sure they get to find

themselves in Madagascar.

I make sure they’ll get good price

and don’t get the body lice. 

I don’t want them to get thrashed

nor I want them to feel sad.

I’ll make sure they’re not in pain

and they eat their Special K

make sure they don’t get in trouble

and can always find their way

Let us meet up next month in Laos

says backpacker at the bar

why not going to Macau

the casinos are not far  

I think I’ll kiss a backpacker 

and take care of him or her

I may even write a poem 

a poem for my new friend

I really like the backpacker

from the backpacker hotel

they are super cool and awesome

not like a rodent

 

I will have a beer with them

at their backpacker hotel 

then we’ll talk about their travels 

(they’ve been here and they’ve been there)

I’ll borrow their lonely planet

and take a picture with them

we’ll stay up all night together

and watch the amanecer

We’ll sing “hotel california”

or maybe they know “hey jude”

it’s not like I have a phobia 

and it’s not like I’m a prude

 

Then I’ll think that in some way, 

I’m pretty much the same as them 

so I’ll make love to backpacker

at the backpacker hotel.

 

 

 

Whatever 9

Girl: I don’t know what to do with my life.


Bruno: Me neither.


Girl: What can we do?


Bruno: Nothing.


Girl: We have to do something.


Bruno: No, we don’t.


Girl: I feel like we have to do something.


Bruno: How about no?


Girl: Yes, let’s do something


Bruno: Nah.


Girl: We should do something.


Bruno: How about we don’t?


Girl: Oh, you are such a boring person.


Bruno: That’s relative.


Girl: Everything’s relative.


Bruno: Everything depends on everything else.


Girl: Let’s go to a party.


Bruno: Meh.


Girl: Let’s go to the movies.


Bruno: But we have internet.


Girl: C’mon don’t be so cheap.


Bruno: The reason why I pay for internet is so that we don’t need to go to the movies.


Girl: I really don’t know why I hang out with you. 


Bruno: I know why.


Girl: Why is that?


Bruno: Because I’m handsome, so you feel pretty next to me.


Girl: No, you’re not that handsome.


Bruno: So you can practice your English and learn many words from me?


Girl: No, your English is not so good, can’t be that either.


Bruno: Is it because I’m a genious, who always gives you good pieces of advice and get you out of trouble?


Girl: Nah, you can’t even spell genius.




Bruno: Is it because you know I will become a rich and famous actor and you want a share of my stash?


Girl: What are you talking about? You’re a terrible actor, I wouldn’t count on that if I were you.


Bruno: Is it because I can read you like a book and always know what you are thinking and what you need?


Girl: Yeah, it could be that. I’m not sure. What else do you have?


Bruno: Ok, I know, because I represent the part of you that has been suppressed for many years, the part that wants break free. When you are with me you feel free, like you can do anything you want, like there’s no limit to what you can do, no limit to where you can go, like time doesn’t matter, you have all the time in the universe, there’s no pressure for you to be someone you don’t want or do something you don’t want and you feel peaceful, like no matter what happens, everything’s gonna be ok.


Girl: Is that what you think?


Bruno: No, I just made it up.


Girl: Maybe you are right.


Bruno: Maybe I am.


Girl: Or maybe not.


Bruno: Probably not.


Girl: You know, I think you’re right.


Bruno: Am I?


Girl: I think.


Bruno: Lucky guess.


Girl: Oh, don’t be so modest, you’re always one step ahead of me and you know me better than I know myself.


Bruno: Do I?


Girl: Oh, come on.


Bruno: Alright, alright, let’s go for a walk.


Girl: I thought you said you wanted to do nothing today.


Bruno: Well I changed my mind, let’s go and maybe we can hold hands.


Girl: I don’t think so.


Bruno: Why not?


Girl: Because we’re friends.


Bruno: Right.


Girl: You’re a good guy.


Bruno: So?


Girl: Good guys have to stay in the friendzone, remember?


Bruno: There’s no way out?


Girl: Not for you, not. Unless you change your attitude, girls like bad guys, stop paying so much attention to me, act cool, act like you don’t care, pretend you don’t need me, don’t call me so often, act mysterious, ignore me, be more arrogant, make fun of me, stop being so nice and then maybe, just maybe you can get out of the friendzone.


Bruno: Meh, so much effort!


Girl: I know it doesn’t make sense, but that’s girl’s logic, seduction is a game and you should learn how to play it.


Bruno: It’s just too much work and I’m just so lazy.


Girl: You’ll die alone then.


Bruno: And you too.


Girl: Whatever.


Bruno: 🙂

good boy, bad boy

 

Bruno: OMG, I’m a womanizer!

Friend: No, you’re not. You wish you were, because of Barney Stinson.

 

Bruno: Ok, you’re right.

Friend: Everyone who watches that show wishes they were as funny and charismatics as he is, the other characters are boring.

 

Bruno: So you think that guys who are single or in a relationship are boring?

Friend: Pretty much.

 

Bruno: In kind of makes sense, Barney has more fun than the others, is more detached, he doesn’t need to take things so seriously, so he can make fun of everything and everyone. But Chandler was still funny after he married Monica, right?

Friend: Not as much as before though.

 

Bruno: That’s because the show got boring after so many years, not just Chandler.

Friend: Anyway, single guys usually lack confidence and the ones who are dating someone, usually look like they have no thrill in their life and no reason to live anymore.

 

Bruno: Way too much generalization there, I think you’re just pissed because single guys steal your girls and the ones in a relationship don’t hang out with you anymore because they are too busy with their girlfriends.

Friend: Ok. you’re right.

 

Bruno: Would you ever cheat on your partner?

Friend: Haha, I can’t even get one girl, how do you expect me to get two?

 

Bruno: Yeah, the first one is tough, but after that you better brace yourself.

Friend: Why do all of them like douchebags?

 

Bruno: Well, I’m by no means an expert on this things,  but I once read a phrase that goes something like this “every girl wants a bad boy that will be good just for her, and every boy wants a good girl that will be bad just for him”

Friend: True story 😉