Whatever 19

 

What do you think about China?

Well that depends

Depends on what?

On the motive behind the question, if you’re just being polite and making small talk I should follow suit and reply that it’s a really nice place, great food, great people. But if you really want to know what I think about China, I actually have a list of all the things that are wrong and how to fix each and one of them.

I like the second options better, and I would definitely like to give it a read, and then I could maybe translate it to Chinese and post it in some forums, it could catch someones attention before being taken down and we may get the ball rolling for improving things all over the country.

You know, I just me someone who thinks he can help me improve the situation in this country

And ignoring the prime directive?

Can’t be remembering all those rules.

But it’s the only rule you should be remembering.

I thought there were like 30 something.

But it’s the most important one: “As the right of each sentient species to live in accordance with its normal cultural evolution is considered sacred, no cute puppies may interfere with the normal and healthy development of alien life and culture. Such interference includes introducing superior knowledge, strength, or technology to a world whose society is incapable of handling such advantages wisely. Cute puppies may not violate this Prime Directive, even to save their lives and/or their ship, unless they are acting to right an earlier violation or an accidental contamination of said culture. This directive takes precedence over any and all other considerations, and carries with it the highest moral obligation.”

I will do what I have to do.

People who say that are usually the first ones to die.

 

What about this?

General Order 20

Cute puppies may employ whatever means necessary to prevent the possession, transportation, sale, or commercial exchange of sentient beings being held against their wishes within the boundaries of Federation space.

Well, what about this?

General Order 14

Cute puppies may intervene in local planetary affairs to restore general order and to secure the lives and property of Federation citizens only upon receiving a direct order to do so from a civilian official with the title of governor or higher.

But no one asked you to interfere…

But no one asked me not to interfere.

But the rules say you shouldn’t interfere, there’s nothing to think about here, you just mind your own business and let the other humans destroy themselves, destroy all the other life forms in this planet, and then destroy the planet itself.

But this planet has been here for billions of years, how could they destroy it, I mean even if they wanted to, there’s no way they could.

Whatever.

 

whatever 18

What do you do for a living?

I’m a french maid.

Really? I don’t believe you, you look like middle eastern or something.

Can be a french maid still.

I don’t think so, do you even French?

No, but I maid.

Do you even gee?

Gee gee gee gee?

I knew someone like that.

A girl I hope.

Yes, a girl, she was lovely and I often wondered, how many people get to feel something like this? I know many people date a lot but they never get to feel this.
Whenever I walk with her, every guy envies me and when I tell them how I feel about her, they envy me even more. I dont need to look at any other girl because I have the best one already.

You’re like… so romantic…

Have you ever felt like that before?

I don’t think so, well maybe I did but she didn’t feel the same way, so I had to just let it go and hope the feeling comes back again someday in the future.

Was she a nurse?

Hey, how did you know?

I think you mentioned her before, when we were talking about the hospital.

Oh, that was a different story.

About the hospital that gave you cancer I remember.

Yes, because there were people smoking everywhere.

You mean at the entrance of the hospital?

Yes and that gave me cancer.

Just that?

Not just that.. hospital food was so bad and didn’t account for any of the daily recommended doses of anything, and instead of having treadmills or exercise machines, they had couches for people to sit, despite the hundreds of papers written and research done on the subject. They all found sitting was the worse you can do to your body, and still, the hospital really wants you to take a seat, and use sitting toilets even though they know it’s very difficult to do No.2 in that position, and…

Ok, ok, I get it, I get it, you’re a system buster, and you don’t like the hospitals and you don’t like anything.

I liked that nurse.

I know that’s not true. you just like yourself.

Whatever.

Whatever 17

 

Why do you always talk to yourself?

Because I’m crazy?

You are peculiar. We agreed not to use the C word, remember?

Ok, then because I’m peculiar.

And why is that?

Because I’m not good with people

And you know why?

Because I’m different somehow?

We are all different in some ways.

But I’m special.

In which way?

In the way that I enjoy conversations with myself more than with other people.

And why is that?

I’m not sure, maybe because I get to ask myself the right questions and challenge them, like a psychologist would.

And maybe also so that you don’t need to put the effort to get to know, interact and understand other people?

Maybe, but this way seems to work alright, so why should I change it?

Because people need you, they need to be in touch, they need to understand you

People know me too well already, they know I say what I want and I do what I want. They understand I’m not so good with people that’s why I talk to myself.

But some people need you to take a break from talking to yourself and talk to them also, they need attention.

They are old enough already, they don’t need me at all.

It’s got nothing to do with age, they need to know you are there for them; they need to know you care.

They know that already, people who read this know more or less where to find me, they know how to contact me and they know if they ever need anything I’ll be there for them. But I can’t keep in touch daily  because I’m always traveling and internet is a luxury in NZ.

They know that, but they think when you do contact them you could try to be nicer to them.

I’ll try to be nicer then.

But not in a condescending way.

I know, I know.

You’re not better than anyone else and you know that.

I know! And I’ve never implied I was, I know I’m a prick sometimes, but I’m trying to change that.

Thank you for your honesty.

I’m glad we understand each other, I need you, you know.

I know, you need me to tell you the truth and broaden your perspective of events and people around you.

And to be there for me.

Alright, you’re not getting emotional, are you?

Never.

At least 50 times a day.

You’re right, who am I kidding. I love you man.

Have a good night.

Whatever

Whatever 16

Girl: I think we need to talk.

Bruno: Sure what’s up?

Girl: Well, you know, we’ve been dating for a few years already…

Bruno: And?

Girl: And it’s time to take things a step further.

Bruno: What do you mean?

Girl: Well, you know.

Bruno: But, I told you already, I don’t enjoy that as much as you do.

Girl: No, not that, I think we should get married.

Bruno: Really?

Girl: Yes, I think it’s time.

Bruno: You know what? You’re right, our relationship HAS been going great the last few years, it’s time we get the government involved…

Girl: Is that sarcasm?

Bruno: No, I mean it, let’s get the government involved in our relationship, and let’s get some lawyers and judges as well.

Girl: Well, if you put it like this..

Bruno: I mean it, and let’s waste all our savings in a one-day ceremony for all those people we hate, for all those cousins you’ve never met, and all the people from work you so much enjoy spending time with.

Girl: You could have just said no.

Bruno: Why should I say no? It’s a fantastic idea, and let’s get the religions on it as well, let’s bring a child molester catholic priest to lead our ceremony and then he can play with your little sister.

Girl: You’re an ass, did you know that?

Bruno: whatever. 

whatever 13

Friend: What do you want to do today?

Bruno: I want to move to Taiwan for good.

Friend: Why Taiwan?

Bruno: No special reason, just a feeling, I know I should move there but I don’t know the reason.

Friend: Funny.

Bruno: Not funny.

Friend: So why don’t you move there, if you know that’s what you should be doing?

Bruno: well, you’ve never felt like you know that what you’re doing is not the right thing for you to do right now, but you dont have the guts to do what you know you should be doing instead?

Friend: Yes, all the time.

Bruno: Ok, so you know how I feel.

Friend: But I thought you were the master of going for your dreams.

Bruno: Wrong, I may be the master of telling other people to go for their dreams, which is different.

Friend: Still, you’re better at it than everyone else I know.

Bruno: You must know very few people then.

Friend: True, I should go out more.

Bruno: You should.

Friend: You know what you have to do, there’s no way around it.

Bruno: Yeah, I know.

Friend: So just do it.

Bruno: I’m on it. Just Not yet, is not the right time yet.

Friend: So when?

Bruno: Soon, maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow, maybe next week.

Friend: So it’s in your plans already.

Bruno: Yes well, It’s out there, that means people know about it, the more people know about your dream the harder it is for you not to go for it.

Friend: Because of the peer pressure and what you think they would think of  you if you didn’t do what you want to do, they will see you as a weak person, a person without the courage to do what he wants to do.

Bruno: Exactly.

Friend: So that’s why you’re writing this here, so that’s it’s out there.

Bruno: Yes, you could say that.

Friend: So, you’re just wasting the readers time here.

Bruno: Pretty much.

Friend: And you’re proud of that.

Bruno: Well, it’s not like they have anything better to do.

Friend: Maybe they do.

Bruno: Probably not.

Friend: So you think.

Bruno: Well I’m not forcing them to read, they read because they want to.

Friend: They could be out there enjoying life, playing with their dogs in the park, or spending time with their friends and families.

Bruno: Well at least I give them something to read.

Friend: So very considerate of you.

Bruno: What can I say? That’s what you get from a free blog without advertisement, from me to them, no catch, no small print, and tell you what, from now on I’ll start answering the readers questions as well, so if you have a question or you want me to talk about some subject in particular just drop me an email or just post it in the comments and it will be answered as a new post, how cool is that?

Friend: Not cool at all, I do have a question I’ve been wanting to ask you though.

Bruno: Shoot.

Friend: How do you go about choosing which country you’re going to move to next? everyone else I know wouldn’t even dream of doing something like that. It’s pretty adventurous.

Bruno: As you said, you should start going out more, and about the country, first of all, it has to be a place I hadn’t been to before, and it would help if there was a prospect of some kind or something waiting for me there, like a job, a special person, or an opportunity of some nature, if there’s nothing of that, maybe I feel attracted by its language and feel the need of learning it, or I feel attracted by the culture and think I could learn something from it. Then, there’s the money issue… nah just kidding, money is not an issue anymore, I’m confident I could make a living anywhere.

Friend: And by a special person, you mean there has to be a girl you like there.

Bruno: That would be a very nice prospect, of course, unfortunately, most of the times that’s not the case.

Friend: Is there a special person waiting for you in Taiwan?

Bruno: I wish there was, because that would be just the extra push I need.

Friend: Why not trying http://www.taiwancupid.com? the number one dating site in Taiwan.

Bruno: Are you advertising some dating site now?

Friend: Just saying.

Bruno: Meh, I don’t want to meet a girl on a dating site, I’ll save that card for when I’m like 40 or like really desperate.

Friend: Actually you’re probably gonna be blind by the time you’re 40, why not just using it now?

Bruno: Because it’s creepy.

Friend: Yeah, so you can find creepy people like yourself.

Bruno: Hey I’m not the one dressing up as a kigurumi, now that was creepy.

Friend: Again with that? I told you it’s over, I’m not into it anymore, terminado amigo.

Bruno: You crazy freak.

Friend: Whatever.

Bruno: Whatever? Really??? Is that the best comeback you’ve got?

Friend: …

Bruno: Come on, I know you’ve got it in you.

Friend: Whatever man.

Bruno: Much better.

Whatever 12

Girl: How many girlfriends have you had?

Bruno: That’s a tough question, define girlfriend.

Girl: Some girl you went out with.

Bruno: That’s it?

Girl: Yeah.

Bruno: So if I went out with you on a date would that make you my ex-girlfriend now?

Girl: No, it’s gotta be more than one date.

Bruno: Alright 3 dates.

Girl: At least 5.

Bruno: Alright, so you and I went out on 5 dates, there was no physical contact and I never told you my feelings, would that make you my ex-girlfriend anyway?

Girl: Alright 5 dates and physical contact, that counts as a girlfriend.

Bruno: So if I had a girlfriend in primary school, we went out more than 5 times, we talked about our feelings, we held hands sometimes, that counts as physical contact, should I count her as an ex-girlfriend? 

Girl: No, it has to be more than holding hands.

Bruno: So you mean sexual contact, not physical contact.

Girl: Well at least making out.

Bruno: Alright, so let’s say I went out with this girl, on 6 dates, we had sex once and after that, for whatever reason she decided she wasn’t gonna take my calls anymore, would that count as a girlfriend? 

Girl: No, I don’t think so. Ok, lets try this, 5 dates or more, sexual contact, and emotional connection.

Bruno: Emotional connection from one or both sides.

Girl: Both of course. And you have talked about it and agreed you were boyfriend and girlfriend..

Bruno: Alright, picture this, it’s me and her, we love each other very much, we’ve been seeing each other for over a 2 years now, we live together, we’ve traveled together, I’ve met her parents, she met mines, but we never really felt that need to imply property on each other by giving each other possessive titles such as boyfriend or girlfriend, we love each other hence we don’t need any titles, being together is enough, because we are happy together. 

Girl: Well you’re a very special person, but most people need that security, lets say reassurance, of knowing you are seeing each other exclusively.

Bruno: No, don’t get me wrong, we knew it, there was just no need to say it. Now would you say that counts as a girlfriend or not?

Girl: Yes, I’d say so.

Bruno: Now picture this, I’ve met this girl yesterday, she says she loves me and wants to be my girlfriend, so as of yesterday she’s my girlfriend.

Girl: That wasn’t 5 dates.

Bruno: But are together, and we are calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend, how can that not count as a girlfriend if she says she is my girlfriend. 

Girl: I know, but it’s just too fast.

Bruno: So, it seems there’s no real set of parameters you can use to define what an ex-girlfriend really is, am I right?

Girl: You always have to have the last word don’t you?

Bruno: Just saying.

Girl: Did you really meet a girl yesterday?

Bruno: Maybe

Girl: What do you mean maybe?

Bruno: You see how you are? You see how girls are? They are totally uninterested in a guy, and right the moment he says he’s seeing someone else suddenly he becomes an object of their desire.They only want him because they can’t have him anymore, when they could have had him they didn’t want him, now that makes sense to you?

Girl: It’s attraction, it works in mysterious ways, it doesn’t need to make sense.

Bruno: Now for most guys the exact opposite happens, we are talking to a girl and exactly 0.3 seconds after she says she has a boyfriend we lose interest completely.

Girl: Really, so would you stop meeting a girl just because she has a boyfriend?

Bruno: Of course.

Girl: Why?

Bruno: Because it’s awkward, and also because of the bro code, but mostly because it’s awkward.

Girl: What’s the bro code?

Bruno: Is what makes that girls boyfriend a bro.

Girl: So you don’t see him as a rival or someone you have to compete with the get the girl.

Bruno: Of course not, he’s a bro.

Girl: Even though you don’t know him.

Bruno: Exactly. You see only a guy can understand what other guy has to go through in order to get a girl, so why would we want to cause that guy any pain or trouble.
Of course, there are a few exceptions, the pickup artists, the douchebags, they are not bros but most guys out there are. So when she says “I have a boyfriend” she’s making clear that she’s my bro’s girlfriend, we don’t mess around with other bro’s girlfriend, that’s just wrong.

Girl: I had no idea it was like that.

Bruno: Actually you know it’s like that, all girls do, and that’s one of the ways they have to let the guy know they are not interested.

Girl: Yeah, maybe we know, but it’s not just for that, it’s also to make things clear. It’s better than not mentioning you are seeing someone, most guys don’t even mention it.

Bruno: Yes we do, just not as early in the conversation as most girls do so.

Girl: And why is that?

Bruno: Because we know that would make us extremely attractive to your people.

Girl: No, it’s because you feel guilty talking to a girl you shouldn’t be talking to.

Bruno: Why guilty? We are just talking?

Girl: Yeah, we are also just talking, and by mentioning we have a boyfriend we want you to make sure we are REALLY just talking.

Bruno: Ok, I did meet a girl yesterday.

Girl: Really, what’s her name?

Bruno: Asuka, Asuka Kimura.

Girl: You’re such a bad liar.

Bruno: Ok, I didn’t meet anyone.

Girl: You’re such a loser.

Bruno: You see how you are, you just proved my point again.

Girl: Whatever you say.

Bruno: You’re so predictable.

Girl: Right, Asuka Kimura.

Bruno: You’re still thinking about that.

Girl: To tell the truth, I thought you would say Misato.

Bruno: Why Misato?

Girl: Sounds like the name of a girl you may like.

Bruno: It does actually.

Girl: Misato Imakura.

Bruno: I can picture her already.

Girl: How does she look like?

Bruno: Sweet.

Girl: How old is she, 15?

Bruno: Let’s say 27, same as me, to make it politically correct.

Girl: But then she wouldn’t be attracted to you because most girls like older guys.

Bruno: Good point. So let’s say she’s 24?

Girl: Still, too old, the attraction triggers in a girl when the guy is at least 4 years older than her, trust me, I’m a girl.

Bruno: 23 then?

Girl: That could work.

Bruno: Yeah… that could work..

Girl: …

Bruno: that could work…



Bruno: that could…

Girl: Oh, come on!

Bruno: What???

 

Whatever 11

 

Religious person: have you heard about jesus christ?

 

friend 2: Dude.. this is 2012. Jesus? really???

 

Bruno: Actually no, we haven’t, come in please have a seat, would you like some tea?

 

Religious person: Tea would be great, thank you.

 

Bruno: Alright.

 

Religious person: Jesus is the son of god, our lord and savior, he died for your sins.

He died for you and he loves you.

 

friend 2: But you know he was not a real person and never really existed, right?

 

Bruno: Here’s your tea, have some cookies.

 

Religious person: He was a real person, he was the son of god and he existed, it’s written in the bible.

 

friend 2: But you know the bible is a work of fiction, not a history book, right?

 

Bruno: A work of fiction that contains a great deal of morality, poetry, art, rhyme and fantastic stories.

 

Religious person: It’s history, it was written by people who could talk to god and he instructed them to write it.

 

friend 2: It was written by people who imagined, they could talk to god, and imagined he instructed them to write it.

 

Bruno: Imagination is a fantastic gift, only gifted people can tell stories and transmit all their feelings directly to the reader, books are windows to other worlds.

 

Religious person: God loves you, he created our planet and he created us, he’s all powerful and knows it all, he’s watching you right now.

 

friend 2: And you know you are saying all of that because you were born in south korea, after the 1950’s, but if you had been born in india, you would be saying the same about krishna or shiva, if you had been born in saudi arabia you would be saying the same about alah, if you had been born in ancient greece, you would  be saying the same about zeus, if you had been born in ancient egypt, you would be saying the same about osiris, if you had been born in ancient sumeria you would be saying the same about enki or utu…. and so on.

 

Bruno: and if you had been born in north korea you would be saying the same about kim jong il

 

Religious person: There is only one god, the christian god, all the other religions are wrong, all the other gods are not real.

 

friend 2: That’s what all the religions say, so how can we know you are telling the truth and they are not?

 

Bruno: How can we know you are a real human?

 

Religious person: because I’m telling the truth, I know I am.

 

friend 2: So do they.

 

Religious person: But they are wrong and I am right.

 

friend 2: What makes you so confident?

 

Bruno: Anthropocentrism.

 

Religious person: If you don’t believe in god, when you die you will go to hell, you can start believing now and you will go to heaven.

 

Bruno: sounds legit.

 

friend 2: just because you say it, i will go to a fictional place, from a fictional book that just some koreans and filipinos care about, great.

 

Bruno: Actually you WILL go to hell, in his imagination.

 

friend 2: You should know that religions are just another tool for social control, like television or advertisement.

 

Bruno: Or facebook.

 

Religious person: Why don’t you guys come to our church on sunday morning?

 

friend 2: Because we have a brain.

 

Religious person: We serve free lunch.

 

Bruno: We’re in.

 

Religious person: Great then, see you this sunday.

 

friend 2: No way, we’re not gonna trade our souls for free lunch, we can get free lunch at many other places. 

 

Bruno: Actually by believing there’s such a thing as “the soul”, you have already given away your sanity, so why not just going all the way?

 

Religious person: There’s a soul, it weights 21 grams and you can learn more about it on sunday morning.

 

friend 2: Why 21 grams? 

Bruno: That’s like, so random!

Religious person: Thank you for the tea, but I should get going now, see you guys on sunday then?

 

Bruno: Yes, we’ll be there.

 

friend 2: No way.

 

Bruno: Have a nice day and thank you for your visit.

 

Religious person: Have a nice day yourself.

 

friend 2: Whatever.

 

Whatever 10

Bruno: I’m sick and tired of this. Enough is enough, this system is corrupted, I don’t want anything to do with it anymore.


Friend: Oh boy, here we go.



Bruno: Seriously,  I’m not gonna worship money, I’m tired of everything and I don’t want to live on this planet anymore. 


Friend: That’s great, because I don’t want you to live on this planet anymore.


Bruno: You need me.


Friend: Yeah whatever, what happened now?


Bruno: I lost everything.


Friend: Like what? You have nothing.


Bruno: I have some stuff.


Friend: Like what?


Bruno: Just stuff.


Friend: Pokemon trading cards?


Bruno: No, some other stuff.


Friend: What stuff?


Bruno: Stuff you don’t know about.



Friend: Either way, it sounds like good news to me, if you lost everything now you are free to do anything! 


Bruno: What do you mean?


Friend: It’s like pressing the reset button. Now you have nothing to lose anymore so just start over.


Bruno: And do what?


Friend: Do what you’ve always wanted, of course, become a shepherd in Mongolia.


Bruno: What? No, I don’t want to go to Mongolia.


Friend: Why not, what’s wrong with Mongolia?


Bruno: No fruits there for me to eat, no job prospects, landlocked, flight is expensive, visa is expensive, hard to get and for a very short time.


Friend: All the government’s fault, right?


Bruno: Exactly, why do I have to go to the embassy of Mongolia and being treated like a criminal, give them lots of money and lots of papers. It’s idiotic, I was born on this planet, it should be my right to visit it and come and go as I please.


Friend: Who do you think you are? You have no rights, you little punk..


Bruno: I’m an earthling, I was born here, I deserve it.


Friend: No rights for you young man.


Bruno: Why not?


Friend: You know why not.


Bruno: Because fuck me?


Friend: Exactly.


Bruno: Whatever then.


Friend: Hahaha, poor loser! Take that you little son of a…


Bruno: Ouch, why was that for?


Friend: For wanting to go to Mongolia. I don’t know who do you think you are.


Bruno: Actually, it was you who said I should go to Mongolia in the first place.


Friend: You liar, piece of sh…

Bruno: I don’t know why I hang out with you. 

Friend: Whatever, move along. 

 

 

Whatever 8

Friend: Hey there.


Bruno: Hey, how’s it going?


Friend: I feel terrible, just had an argument with my parents.


Bruno: Why? What happened?


Friend: Well, I want to go on a holiday, but they don’t want me to go. What do you think I should do?


Bruno: Mmm.. that sounds like a typical first world problem. And the solution is usually the same, just brush it off.


Friend: What do you mean “first world problem”?


Bruno: Well, you know I have a friend, an English teacher here in Korea, and she told me that before coming here she was volunteering in Uganda, helping people with AIDS, and those people would die, because they didn’t have access to the medicines, sometimes they were some medicines somewhere, but they were just too far away, and the transport costs too much for them, so they can’t make it to the city, and they just die. 

Sometimes they have to trek for long hours, just to bring some water to their family and on the way they may get eaten by a lion if they were lucky enough not to encounter some bandits or soldiers that will rape them and kill them, or make them slaves. 

You see, in Korea, same as the country you are right now, we don’t have AIDS, we don’t need to struggle to find food or water, we have no malaria, famine, plagues, drought, we have no dictator and no mass massacres, to put it simply we have no real problems. 

So we have to make some up, for example I would worry about the corruption in our government and about the high-income inequality, you would feel bad because your parents don’t want you to go on vacations, someone else will worry because their iPhone broke, they can’t find a boyfriend, the weather is too cold or whatever.


Friend: Why do we do that?


Bruno: As with most things, there’s no just one reason or one person to blame for it, it depends on a million different variables, a million different “if”‘s. But maybe the simplest of reasons is that we’ve always done it and we don’t bother changing it because change scares us. 


You know, there’s a documentary I really enjoyed about stress, basically, they observe and study some distant cousins of ours, a tribe of baboons in the wild, their hierarchies, social status and relate it to the level of stress in their blood.


It turned out that the average baboon only needed to spend around 3 hours a day finding food and eating it, that left them the rest of the day free, to make someone else’s life miserable.
Which is pretty much the same we do. And, paradoxically enough, same as in a corporate environment, each baboon, knew exactly who he could be picked on by, who could he pick on, and in turn, who could be picked on by the baboon he can pick on and so on.


The rest is history, as we evolved, almost every known human civilization, once they get to cover their basic needs (food, water, shelter) they have tons of free time to terrorize each other, either by making up gods that will punish them, finding some reason to invade or conquer their neighbors, or just make their own lives miserable with a bunch of utterly bureaucratic procedure of some kind. 


Take the egyptians, for example, once they started thriving, they couldn’t just relax by the Nile and do some bird watching, they HAD to create a intricate series of gods, rituals, laws and hierarchies, then enslave hundreds of thousands of people in order to build some massive structures, for some retarded reason. And they HAD to do it, of course, in the most ridiculously difficult way possible, let’s take 20 years to build only one of this structures and let’s use stones weighing up to 2.5 tons, yay!


And this is not me complaining about the Egyptians, this is me complaining about human stupidity, we’ve been here for 200.000 years already (homo sapiens), we should know better already.


It’s just not you that worries about what your parents say, everyone worries about things that don’t matter, I also worry about my job, the weather, the future or silly things like catching the 150 Pokemon.


Friend: I think they are more than 150 now.


Bruno: You get my point though?


Friend: There are 649 Pokemon now.


Bruno: I know, but for me, they will always be 150, maybe I’m just old.


Friend: Not old, but things change, we discover more Pokemon, they evolve, and they get more and more complex every day, unnecessarily complex I would say, did you know that there are 7 Eevee evolutions now?


Bruno: Now that’s just too many Eevee evolutions.


Friend: You said you worry about your job, but how come you never talk about your job?


Bruno: True, I don’t usually talk about it, but I do worry, not as much as everyone else worries about it though. I’m just trying to change my perspective, see, pretty much all my life I’ve witnessed how everyone’s life revolved around their work. 


Friend: Well, you are what you do, right?


Bruno: Exactly! That’s what I got tired of, of having to “be” something, and the million social obligations that something, that title carries with it, so if I’m an office worker I have to dress a certain way, I have to talk, eat and behave in a certain way, hang out with certain people, at certain places, drink coffee and look stressed, because if I’m relaxed I wouldn’t be fitting the stereotype of the office worker, the same will happen if I’m an artist, musician or something like that, I have to dress a certain way, hang out at certain places, with certain people, I’m expected to care more about social issues and my ideas are expected to be more liberal, so I got tired of always having to fit into some job description that will, in turn, define my personality, my ideas, my appearance and that the rest of my life will revolve around that job description.


Friend: So you’re not gonna work anymore so you don’t get labeled.


Bruno: It’s not about working or not working, it’s about not giving it more importance than it should have and not be letting my job control my life. So yes, I’ll work for a couple of weeks or months every year here and there, save some money, then go traveling or do something I enjoy, like learning a new language and spend all the money, when I run out of money, I’ll find a different job in a different country, save some money, spend  it all doing something nice, work again, and so on, but I’m not gonna stress about it like I did before and definitely not going to let it take over my soul.


Friend: I wish I could do that.


Bruno: So do it.


Friend: But everyone expects me to work my whole life at the same job, I’m Asian remember?


Bruno: I’m Asian too.


Friend: No, you’re not.


Bruno: Ok, I’m not, anyway, being Asian is just the most handy excuse you can find now for not doing what you want, Asian countries have some expectations towards their citizens, same as every other country in the world, they are all pretty much the same, and we all think our life is harder than everyone else’s and we all think our country or our family makes our lives oh so very difficult, just so that we don’t have to take responsibility for our lives and we can keep blaming someone else for our misery.


Friend: 649 Pokemon.


Bruno: It’s crazy, right? 649 and counting and some of them just look ridiculous, like, seriously, what is this?

Friend: It’s a Solosis.


Bruno: And that?

Friend: that’s a ferrothorn.


Bruno: How about this one?

 

Friend: Luvdisc


Bruno: How clever! And what’s this supposed to be?

Friend: That’s a chimecho.


Bruno: This is getting out of hand.


Friend: You know it’s just a children’s game anyway.


Bruno: Children’s game? How dare you!?!?


Friend: It is.


Bruno: Well, whatever then.


Friend: 🙂

Whatever 7

Friend: have you ever thought about having a baby?


Bruno: Not really, I think we have way too many people already on this planet, we don’t need anymore.



Friend: But it’s the circle of life, we have to keep procreating.


Bruno: Indefinitely? 




Friend: Yes, like the stupid animals we are.


Bruno: But… almost  7.000.000.000 people already and counting, one million more people every four days, every second 2 people are born, isn’t that enough? It’s not like we are facing extinction or anything.


Friend: Anyway, it’s what’s expected from you, you’re almost 30, gotta start procreating already.


Bruno: Wtf! I’m like no way near 30, I’m 27.




Friend: It’s a good time to have a baby.


Bruno: We don’t even have enough resources to take care of all the people we have now, why do we have to keep having more and more? Every baby born needs shelter, clothes, electricity, tons of food and water, we are not even able to provide for all the people we have now, and you want to keep adding more people?


Friend: Poor people are not your problem, you have to take care of yourself, and think about your future.


Bruno: I am a poor person, and I can barely take care of myself, how do you expect me to take care of a baby? And most important, why? why on earth would I ever want to do that? 


Friend: Because it’s what’s expected.


Bruno: Not a good reason.




Friend: Because you can.


Bruno: Still not a good reason.


Friend: Because then they can support you and take care of you when you are old.


Bruno: I’m not asian, I don’t need my children to support me or take care me, I’ll rather take care of myself.


Friend: But you will be blind.


Bruno: I’ll be fine.


Friend: You will die.


Bruno: I’ll learn to astral project, telekinesis, telepathy or something like that.


Friend: Right.


Bruno: Really, you don’t think I can do it?


Friend: Of course not.


Bruno: Why not?


Friend: Because those things don’t really exist. 


Bruno: Not yet, but I can be the first one to discover them.


Friend: But that falls into the category of the paranormal, like the gods, astrology, angels, or ghosts, and you always say you don’t believe in the paranormal.


Bruno: True, but If I can prove it, it will stop being paranormal, it will become a fact. Then I can believe in it because it’s just there.


Friend: You think too much, you better have a baby, so that he will take care of you.


Bruno: No way. You expect me to just ignore all the overpopulation and environmental problems and think just about my own selfish future.


Friend: Exactly.


Bruno: Why would I?


Friend: Because everyone else does.


Bruno: Not everyone else, most people yes, not everyone.


Friend: Still.


Bruno: My father had way more babies that he could take care of, more than he could provide for, nevertheless, he decided to keep having babies, and he decided to take care of the other babies instead of taking care of me, so I had to suffer because of that, because he couldn’t provide for me. I’m not a man of means so I wouldn’t be able to provide for my babies either, why would I make them go through the same I went through for not having enough food.


Friend: Looks like someone has daddy issues.


Bruno: No way, it’s just an example, and supposing I WERE a man of means, and I was able to provide for them, how could I ever live with myself knowing there are so many children in the world that have no one to take care of them, waiting for someone to adopt them, and I selfishly decided to bring a new baby to this planet while there are so many that have no parents.


Friend: How about passing on your genes or genetic material?


Bruno: No need to do that.


Friend: How about passing on your legacy, all the things you have learned, and all the things you know to future generations.


Bruno: There is no such a legacy, the only thing I know is that I’m never gonna have children.


Friend: Never say never.


Bruno: You just said it twice.


Friend: Whatever.


Bruno: Yeah, Whatever.

Whatever 6

 

Friend: Why do you want to end world poverty and income inequality? Some people are rich, some are poor, that’s just the way it is.

 

Bruno: I want? No, this is not about what I want or I don’t want, it’s about doing the right thing. It’s about what has to be done.

 

Friend: But I like having more than the rest, that way I have no stress, don’t need to work, can live a comfortable life, and all that thanks to my country’s government who promote and enforce this income inequality you don’t like.

 

Bruno: It’s not about what I like or don’t like, it’s just the right thing to do!!!

Friend: And who are you to say what’s right or wrong?

 

Bruno: I’m just a man, with all my flaws and all my goodness, just a man. Who doesn’t accept that billions suffer because of the greed of hundreds.

 

Friend: We live in complex times, things are not just black and white.

 

Bruno: It’s easy to say that with a full stomach and a roof over your head.

 

Friend: Well, you’re on your own on this, what are you gonna do?

 

Bruno: I’m not on my own, and everything’s done already, half of it at least, the guys from  the venus project found all the solutions to all the problems, war, poverty, crimes, hunger, everything’s solved in theory.

 

Friend: Theory won’t feed people.

 

Bruno: It’s a start.

 

Friend: How about the practice?

 

Bruno: We are working on that.

 

Friend: How? by standing on the street with a sing or signing online petitions.

 

Bruno: No, when we run out of resources everyone will understand that there’s something wrong and the system is not working if enough people stop supporting it, will collapse by itself and then we can build something better, something that actually works for everyone and not for a few. Then we can implement the ideas of the venus project

 

Friend: People already ran out of resources in many countries a while ago, did anything change? did they stop supporting the system?

 

Bruno: Not yet but they will.

 

Friend: You know what they did in Africa to justify the genocides, plagues, and famine, they build churches and told people the reason why they die and are poor is because of God’s plan so they won’t complain or look for a solution.

 

Bruno: I couldn’t say, I’ve never been the Africa, but what I do know is that when people have no education they are easy to manipulate, control the educational system or better yet, get rid of it and you can mold and control people’s minds. Control education and you will have slaves for life, who will never dare to question the system or your decisions. They will say “that’s God’s plan” or “that’s just the way it is”.

 

Friend: Thanks for the tip.

 

Bruno: My pleasure.

 

Friend: Things are never gonna change.

 

Bruno: Not with that attitude for sure.

 

Friend: There can’t be good without evil, can’t be light without darkness. Darkness gives meaning to light.

 

Bruno: That could be true in the case that we didn’t know what light was and we only knew darkness, but in our case, we know both already so we can choose one.

 

Friend: I don’t want to choose.

 

Bruno: By not choosing one you are already choosing.

 

Friend: I’m not, this is not my problem.

 

Bruno: Ok, so when they can’t farm the land, breathe the air and drink the water anymore, you will be the one to explain to future generations that it was good for the economy. And that you chose not to choose.

 

Friend: Whatever.

 

Bruno: Yeah, “whatever”.

 

 

whatever 5

Friend 2: So, what’s the plan for today?

Bruno: Try to figure out what’s the meaning of life.

Friend 2: Again with that? There’s no meaning to figure out, I told you.

Bruno: So why do we exist? 

Friend 2: For no reason. We just do.

Bruno: I read that the meaning of life was to be happy, and to avoid suffering. And then I read somewhere else it was to prepare for the moment we die.

Friend 2: I’d rather try to be happy than prepare to die.

Bruno: So, why have we reached such a high level of consciousness and awareness if we are not to have a purpose in this life?

Friend 2: Exactly, humans have achieved a self-awareness state in the one they can speculate and try to find the meaning of life. But the fact that you think there’s a meaning of life doesn’t mean there is one. The fact that you look for something doesn’t mean it’s there.

Bruno: So there’s no point in searching for it?

Friend 2: Not really. Probably the meaning of your life is the same meaning of the life of let’s say a plant or a bird, to interrelate and interact with your environment and with other living creatures in the most self-preserving way possible, assuring the continuity of your species and the preservation your habitat.

 

Bruno: No soul, no afterlife, no reincarnation, no supernatural beings?

Friend 2: Probably not, sorry. Only in your imagination and only as long as your brain is alive to create those stuff in your mind if your brain stops functioning, so will the thoughts you had about the meaning of life. 

Bruno: Ok, so it’s all in my mind. How about the power of mind over matter. If it exists in my mind I can create it in the physical world as well, right?

Friend 2: No, not yet at least, but if you learn to make sure you go tell James Randi, he’ll give you a million dollars and you won’t need to work again.

Bruno: 1.000.000 will generate an interest profit of around 4.000 a month. Maybe I should start working on my psychic abilities.

Friend 2: Yeah, good luck with that! 

Bruno: Whatever…

  

Whatever 4

Friend 2: And why do you care about the revolution so much?

Bruno: Because I want to have a better life, I don’t want to struggle anymore and I don’t want other people to struggle either.

Friend 2: Struggle is good, it gives you some motivation to start your day. If everything was provided already why would we get up in the morning?

Bruno: Because it’s nice getting up, provided you had enough sleep and a relaxing day ahead of you. If the future looks bleak you don’t feel like getting up, but if there’s an exciting day coming then it’s nice!

Friend 2: So, just relaxing, every day?

Bruno: Yeah, we came to this life to enjoy and have a good time, not to struggle to survive and getting stressed out every day.

Friend 2: And how can you be so sure you know what we came to this life for?

Bruno: Because I know everything, oh, perfect and wonderful Bruno.

Friend 2: Haha, you see, you always tell people what to do, but you don’t know why. 

Bruno: Well, I do my best, and I sincerely want to help people, not imposing my lifestyle on them.

Friend 2: I know, but you have to let them make their own mistakes.

Bruno: I should relax more I know, but I always feel like there’s all this pressure on my shoulders to turn everyone into animal-friendly anarchists.

Friend 2: So, just snap out of it.

Bruno: How to?

Friend 2: Weed.

Bruno: Oh, never thought about it, I’ve been wanted to try that for a while, but haven’t met anyone who does it. I mean where do you even get it? Unless you live in the US or Europe you’re pretty much up for a challenge.

Friend 2: Grow it yourself.

Bruno: Yeah, in my shoes. I mean, how do you even get into that stuff?

Friend 2: Google, how to grow weed.

Bruno: And then what, wait 10 years till it grows?

Friend 2: Pretty much.

Bruno: Any plan B?

Friend 2: Meditation.

Bruno: Yeah, I’m working on that, baby steps though.

Friend 2: So work harder.

Bruno: I should, I mean I will, probably.

Friend 2: Grow a beard.

Bruno: What for?

Friend 2: To relax.

Bruno: I can’t relax, when I grow a beard people expect even more from me. They expect me to be wise and knowledgeable and give them advise.

Friend 2: Well it’s not the beard on the outside that counts, it’s the beard on the inside.

Bruno: That’s fromDexterr.

Friend 2: Whatever

Bruno: !?

  

Whatever 3

Friend 2:  What, you don’t like pornhub anymore? Better than those weird 4chan torrents.

Bruno: I don’t care about 4chan, why are we even talking about that?

Friend 2: Why not?

Bruno: That’s not real life, you should get out there and meet some people.

Friend 2: No, you should get out and meet more people.

Bruno: I know enough people already.

Friend 2: No one you can really trust.

Bruno: They are still people.

Friend 2: I’d rather have one close friend than 100 acquaintances.

Bruno: Well you can’t always have everything you want.

Friend 2: Why not?

Bruno: Because it doesn’t work like that.

Friend 2: So, how does it work?

Bruno: Well you get what you get, try to work with it and be happy, without expecting anything else.

Friend 2: That’s a rather conformist attitude.

Bruno: I know, but if we don’t learn to appreciate what we have we will always want more and more and it will never be enough.

Friend 2: You’re saying I shouldn’t be so ambitious?

Bruno: Right, ambition leads to greed, greed leads to hate, hate leads to… suffering.

Friend 2: That’s a line from Yoda.

Bruno: Yeah, I replaced fear with greed.

Friend 2: Clever.

Bruno: I’m also very ambitious.

Friend 2: No, you’re not, you don’t care about anything.

Bruno: I care about some stuff.

Friend 2: Yeah? Like what?

Bruno: Like the animals and stuff.

Friend 2: Yeah, the animals that’s it.

Bruno: Well, it’s something.

Friend 2: Not much though.

Bruno: I care about the revolution.

Friend 2: Still, not much.

Bruno: Whatever.

Friend 2: “Whatever”

Whatever 2

Friend 2: Seriously, you are 27 already! You should have achieved some stuff in life, you should know where you are, what you do and what you want to do in the future, you are not 18 anymore.

Bruno: And you are also 27! You should have achieved a state of mind in the one you don’t care about achieving anything anymore. In the one, you are free from your own fears and insecurities. Including the insecurity of not having achieved anything by 27.

Friend 2: No one is free from their own thoughts though, not even me.

Bruno: But some people at least try to break free.

Friend 2: What’s the point of trying?

Bruno: What’s the point of anything? What’s the point of asking ourselves what’s the point of something?

Friend 2: You should at least know what you want to do in to with your life.

Bruno: No one knows what they want to do or what makes them happy, some people think they know and then they do it and it gets boring so they want to do something else instead. But why we have to do something or be something, why can’t be enough that we exist?

Friend 2: Existing is not enough you need to do something else.

Bruno: What if I don’t want to? If I choose just to exist, just to occupy this space I’m sitting at right here and nothing else.

Friend 2: Sitting here is not gonna get you anywhere.

Bruno: That’s the point.

Friend 2: Sitting here is not gonna get you laid.

Bruno: I don’t need that.

Friend 2: Sure you do, all people do.

Bruno: Some people don’t care.

Friend 2: There’s still pornhub though.

Bruno: Whatever.

Friend 2: “Whatever”.

 

Whatever

Bruno: Let’s go on a trip!

 

Friend 2: What, again? A trip of the mind?

Bruno: No, no, this time is for real, let’s go somewhere else, somewhere far away.

 

Friend 2: Like where?

Bruno: Anywhere, doesn’t matter, I feel a bit stuck and it’s time to move forward.

 

Friend 2: But, I have to work.

Bruno: You’ll find a new job later.

 

Friend 2: Later when?

 

Bruno: Later at a subsequent time.

 

Friend 2: What?

Bruno: Later in a few months, or next year, when you run out of money.

 

Friend 2: What about my family and friends?

Bruno: Family will understand, and you’ll make new friends.

 

Friend 2: Family will not understand and I like my friends, I don’t want new friends, I like the ones I have.

Bruno: Oh, come on, look at the horizon, we don’t know what’s out there and that’s exciting, we should find out!

 

Friend 2: How about my girlfriend?

Bruno: She will understand.

 

Friend 2: No, she won’t!

Bruno: Well if you guys are meant to be together, in the end, you will, don’t worry so much now.

 

Friend 2: No way.

Bruno: When was the last time you did something spontaneous? Last time you decided to go on a trip and 2 hours later you were on the road.

 

Friend 2: Ok, let’s say I say yes, where would we go?

 

Bruno: That’s not important, anywhere, it’s about the trip not about the destination. You get to choose, is there somewhere you’ve always wanted to go?

 

Friend 2: Yeah, I’ve always wanted to go to Mongolia.

Bruno: Mongolia it is then!

 

Friend 2: And when are we coming back?

Bruno: Coming what?

 

Friend 2: Coming back.

Bruno: Oh, we’re not.

 

Friend 2: Why not?

Bruno: Because we’ve been here already, it’s time to move forward.

 

Friend 2: And what’s the point of it?

Bruno: No point

Friend 2: Why traveling so much?

Bruno: No reason.

Friend 2: What do we expect to achieve in the end?

Bruno: Nothing.

Friend 2: So, we will just wander around in Mongolia like lost souls, without a goal or an aim.

Bruno: Yeah. Sounds good, don’t you think so?

Friend 2: 26 without a purpose or direction

Bruno: Like that song from Blink.

Friend 2: 27 actually.

Bruno: Whatever.

Friend 2: “Whatever”.